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Fyodor Dostoevsky's guide to the AFC South: Absurd Metaphors for everyone!

Good book, mediocre metaphor

Update [2007-11-30 15:53:27 by River City Rage]: Just a quick welcome to the folks coming over from DeadSpin! Thanks for stopping by! If you'd like, feel free to register for the site and comment! Thanks again for visiting!

I don't know if you'll believe it or not, but your humble narrator has a background in Russian Literature.  It's true, I'm not all football and Jaguars all the time, there's actually some depth to my education.  Recently, I was discussing one of my favorite books The Brothers Karamazov with a dear friend of mine and it started me to think about the book and the AFC South.

Seriously, that's how my mind worked.  I re-read a few passages while listening to Jaguars this Week and some connections were made.  There just happens to be 4 teams in the AFC South, and (spoiler alert) there are 4 brothers in The Brothers Karazamov.

So, without further adu, I give you the AFC South, in the form of the four most important brothers in literature.  I only ask that you not read too deeply into this, I'm a little bored with all the regular commentary that's going on out there in the sports world, so I'm attempting to liven it up just a little bit.  Not all of the characterizations I'm making are going to fit perfectly, but for the sake of amusement, let's run with it.

Dimitri Fyodorvich Karamozov as the Jacksonville Jaguars: Dimitri is considered the most emotionally driven of the brothers.  He is most like his father in his sensualism and passion.  Dimitri also has a terrible habit of having things turn terrible, just as it looks like he'll find what he's looking for.   His mood swings from happy go lucky and positive to a violent temper that leads to destructive behavior.  Dimitri is also prone to sudden rash decisions, for example he abandoned his fiance, Katerina, as he fell for another woman, Grushenka.

Jacksonville is known for being an emotionally driven team with a history of violent swings from elite to horrible, often over a few weeks.  The Jaguars, like Dimitri when he finds out the Grushenka loves him, come ever so close to greatness, only to suffer a season ending collapse.  To draw the metaphor further, Jacksonville is on the precipice of the playoffs, much like in years past, and the results of one game are like having Official Perkhtin barge in, just as Dimitri's about to realize his feelings for Grushenka

We could take the metaphor a little further if we widen our view a little bit.  Imagine, that Dimitri's love interest, Grushenka, is the idea of respect and legitimacy.  Jacksonville is widely erratic in it's pursuit of respect and credibility as a serious team, especially when competing in such a tough division.  We can read Karamozov using this framework and imagine the frustration and dissapointment in Jacksonville as just when we're on the cusp of consummating our national respect and our place as the top team in the division something from our past, something in the way we carry ourselves comes in at the last second and takes our dream away.  

Dimitri is a character obsessed with obtaining redemption, obsessed with rising above his background and overcoming the burden of sin in his heart.  Jacksonville is at team obsessed with overcoming the Colts, of overcoming their reputation as an inconsistent and emotional team, and finally finding their Grushenka.  The obsession only enhances their emotional intensity, and it's not until they overcome that intensity and play with focus that they'll find themselves at the top of the AFC South.

Ivan Fyodorovich Karamazov as the Tennessee Titans: Ivan is a man obsessed with the dichotomy between the suffering on earth and the forgiveness required by god.  Ivan is dominated by a logical mind that attempts to rationalize and justify the condition of man through what is real, rather than the idea of faith.  Ivan's most famous attempt to reconcile suffering on earth with the promise of god comes in the Grand Inquisitor,  where the Inquisitor rejects Jesus because to accept him would require accepting suffering, and man can overcome suffering on their own.  None of the brothers in the book go through more suffering than Ivan, as he's consumed by doubt and frustration because his brilliant mind cannot fill the gap between his love of humanity and his doubt in God.

The book ends with Ivan in a dreadful condition as his rejection of God indirectly leads to the murder of his father and his lack of faith leaving him in a terrible existential crisis.

If we rename Ivan Fyodorovich as Jeff Fisher, we get an interesting result.  Jeff Fisher is a brilliant coaching mind that's lead the Titans for a tremendously long time.  Currently, he is tormented by his logical mind seeing the abhorrent performance on the field of Vince Young while believing deep inside that he could be a quality quarterback.  Jeff attempts to reconcile this dichotomy between what is actual and what is possible in his most famous game plan, the dumbed down "Read Option", where contemporary football strategy is rejected because "Jesus in Cleats" requires a game play so simple to execute, that the offense suffers.

None of the teams in the AFC  have gone through quite the level of suffering that the Titans have.  Coming ever so short in a Super Bowl, ending the previous season on such a hot streak only to have the season fall apart under the lack of leadership in Vince Young, having all the leaders of last season leave in free agency, and the rock of the defense (Haynesworth) disappear due to injury.  

Currently, Jeff Fisher must be in a state of madness, much like Ivan, where he's responsible for the collapse of his team by sticking with a clearly struggling Vince Young in spite of his obvious flaws.  The reconciliation of the potential talent of his star player and the actual performance on the field will torment the Coach through the end of the season.  Just as Ivan will need the love of Katerina to rise above his crisis, Jeff Fisher and the Titans need the love of Free Agency to bring other threats to the offense and relieve the fundamental pressure on Vince.  

Pavel Fyodorovich Smerdakov as the Houston Texans : The "bastard child" of Fyodor Pavlovich, father to the other three brothers, and Stinking Lizaveta, Smerdakov is hardly considered part of the Karamozov family.   Smerdakov suffers from  terrible epilepsy , but is smart enough to use his perceived weakness to his advantage.  For example, the man he would eventually murder trusts Smerdakov because the young man once returned some money that Fyodor dropped.

Smerdakov's shrewdness allows him to get away with the murder, at least for the short term, because he's able to use his illness to mask the crime.  He's considered by others to be unsocial and isolated, and tends to mock philosophy and religion.  He prefers to follow the idea that there is no good and there is no evil, there is just the idea that "everything is permitted".  This loose morality allows Smerdakov to commit murder, but the act leads him to nothing but despair and eventual suicide, demonstrating the failure of his chosen nihilistic attitude.

This is pretty straightforward.  Houston is the "bastard child" of the NFL, born from a team that left them behind (The Oilers), they seem to hardly be considered a serious NFL team.  The Texans use this "weakness" to draw teams in for a terribly embarrassing defeat (usually the Jaguars), but never fully take advantage of their wins to produce anything approaching a winning season.  Teams tend to trust that when they play the Texans that they'll walk away with a win, as they are seen as an uncompetitive team, despite their huge market and loyal fanbase.

The Texans suffer from a sort of epilepsy of their own, a trend of playing very good, very close football one week but to not hold it together long enough to produce a winning season.  You can identify clear talents on the team, but the total package of the Texans seems not strong enough in its current state to do anything constructive.  Instead they play like there is no win or loss at the end and instead go into each game like it's an individual sport.  Perhaps it's the coaching staff, or the general direction of the team that needs to be adjusted for this collection of individual talents to coalece, or maybe if it could just stay healthy long enough to put some wins together we'd be talking about this team in a completely different tone.  Otherwise, to be a Texan, much like Smerdakov, means living in a world of emptyness and despair, with only the Draft to look forward to.

Alexei Fyodorovich Karamazov as the Indianapolis Colts:  Alexei or Alyosha as he's often called (as well as Alyoshka, Alyoshenka, Alyoshechka, Alexeichik, Lyosha, and Lyoshenka, damn Russian tradition of having like 30 different names), is the most spiritually defined character.  Alyosha serves at a monestary but is sent back home by Father Zosìma, who teaches Aloysha to deal with his families dysfunction and to go out into the world and "do good". Alyoshka is greatly  admired by each of his brothers in their own unique, but not always positive way.  Alexei is most close to Dimitri, but cannot understand his brothers emotional swings.  

Alexei is not known for speaking a whole lot in the novel, instead he is most noted for his ability to listen and witness what the other characters are doing.  While a confidant to everyone it seems, Alyosha largely charts his own course, as he wants to bring people together and relieve suffering, his struggles to do so tend to bring him down.

There are many obvious corollaries here.  There is Tony Dungy, probably the spiritual leader of the NFL, a man who's coaching intensity is rivaled only by his faith and "quiet strength".   Tony carries in his team the desire to not only win on the field but to somehow serve a larger purpose.  Each team in the AFC South, much like Aloysha's brothers, have a desire to be like the Colts, to have the same success, and currently the Jaguars are the closest, but just like in the book, they're just not quite able to maintain their composure.  Alexei lets his faith temper his emotions and that gives him a stoic like ability to remain above the madness of the Karamozov house, the Colts in their own way do the same.

Certainly, the Colts are known for hearing what other teams have to say and using their actions, rather than words, to "shut up" the opposition.

Conclusions

This was largely a "thought experiment" for me.  What I found fascinating was that as I dove a little deeper into the book and my notes, the more resemblance's to each brother I could find.  What troubles me, however, is that you could probably make any of the brothers work for any of the teams.  So this is probably not the most useful metric of comparison for the AFC South.

It sure was fun to write though.

And just in case you can't tell....

GO JAGUARS!

-Chris

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Wow...
Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too deep for me.  

What's next, Tolstoy?  :D

Go Colts!

by Marked Hoosier on Nov 29, 2007 5:56 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

Deep but welcome
I think we can safely say this is a first of its kind.  Kudos for the imagination (not to mention the understanding of a subtle and complicated novel) it took to write this.  I particularly find fascinating the idea that Dungy, Fisher and Del Rio could be three of the brothers (and I agree you've selected the right characters in the novel for each team).

I wish more bloggers had this sort of whimsical but insightful approach to football and the rest of the world.  I doubt we'll see Pats Pulpit deconstructing The Scarlet Letter anytime soon, though its New England setting and themes of sin and redemption make it a natural for Spygate and the subsequent undefeated (for the time being) season.

As an aside, I have read Marilyn Monroe wanted very much to play Grushenka.  Make of that what you will.

Though a loyal Colts fan, I read your blog weekly and enjoy it greatly.  Enjoy your trip to Indy this weekend, even if it ends in a disappointing Jags loss.

The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in the stars, but in ourselves.

by Coltsfan58 on Nov 29, 2007 7:58 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

Very nice comment...
I appreciate your kind words.  Yeah, I don't know if a Patriots fan could muck through all the work of deconstucting anything, other than other teams.

That said, I'd probably assume that Bill  Belichick probably has a "The Picture of Dorian Gray" thing going on, if I were to try and apply literature to their season.

It's funny, I think that most of my "regular" readers are probably Colts fans, but I'm OK with that, considering that I got my start over at Stampede Blue.

A slight aside, my favorite passage in The Brothers Karamazov is this: ""I'd rather remain with y unrequited suffering and my unquenched indignation, even if I am wrong.  Besides, they have put too high a price on harmony; we can't afford to pay so much for admission.  And therefore I hasten to return my ticket. And it is my duty, if only as an honest man, to return it as far ahead of time as possible.  Which is what I am doing.  It's not that I don't accept God, Alyosha, I just most respectfully return him the ticket".

I love me some Russian Lit.  Maybe next week I'll compare the players on the Offensive Line to Turgenev's Fathers and Children.

Or not,

Here's to a good game!

-Chris

Jags Blogger for SB Nation Big Cat Country!

by River City Rage on Nov 29, 2007 9:11 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

Reinstating the dictatorship are we?
One can only guess the identity of the "dear friend" referred to at the beginning of the article.

Though I have never heard of this book, much less read it, I have to say this was one of the most "turining my mind into jello (shots)" article I'm seen comparing football to such an obscure (in today's society) topic. Quite the emotional teaser, not unlike the thought of Tom Brady permanently vacationing to the cauldrons of fire (yes I said it).

I like the utter randomness of the post. Such metaphors every now and then are great. Keep em comming!

Go J-ville

-Ren

by Honolulu_Jag on Nov 29, 2007 9:23 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

Great post!
This is most assuredly a welcome refreshment in the football blogs. I am quite fascinated by many things Russian (Huskey's Russian Foreign Policy class was great...) so I enjoy these types of articles.

I can't help but notice that I am the third Colts fan to comment on this, so judging by this sample (termed "a sample of convenience," and hence a terrible sample) we can infer that roughly 80% of your readers are Colts fans.

Keep up the good work, and enjoy this weekend in Indy!

by olbdogsfire on Nov 30, 2007 11:19 AM EST reply actions   0 recs

Enjoyed the blog
Great blog. You may have just come up with a new genre in sports writing. The possibilities are endless. Once you've run the gamut of Russian literature though you might want to consider something more pedestrian for us less erudite fans, something along the lines of Larry , Moe and Curly.

I actually just wanted to improve your percentages and let you know that you do have some Jax readers here also.

Good job
Go Jags

by Beach Jag on Nov 30, 2007 2:58 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

very nice
dostoevsky is one of my favorite authors, and brothers K is my favorite book.  as a browns fan, you got me thinking of the russian literary equivalent of my favorite team: i think the underground man from 'notes from underground' is rather fitting, as just like the underground man, the browns and their fans are spiteful and bitter towards other more successful and popular individuals/franchises, we are constantly changing our perception of our own character and identity (e.g. the parade of coaches, coordinators, and quarterbacks coming through cleveland, culminating in the trade charlie frye and transformation into a high-powered offensive juggernaut this season.  what's next?) and for a while we seem to have rejected reason altogether (e.g. 1999-2004).

by sendintheclowns on Nov 30, 2007 5:02 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

Great analysis
I couldn't agree more with the Underground Man and the Cleveland Browns.  That's a perfect connection.

I wonder where "Crime and Punishment" fits into the NFL.  At first, I was thinking that the Patriots could be Rodya, committing a crime in order to "rise above", but I don't know that it works as well as I'd like

I think we've stumbled upon a fantastic new area of literary criticism, NFL Deconstruction.  

I'll never read anything the same way...

Thanks for stopping by, even as a Browns fan, don't be a stranger over here!

-Chris

Jags Blogger for SB Nation Big Cat Country!

by River City Rage on Nov 30, 2007 5:15 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

i like the pats comparison
but i mean, you'd have to use the pevear/volohonsky translation if you're going to take that route . . .ha ha.  

although, i do wonder if they're not more akin to bazarov in turgenev's fathers and sons: there's a certain nihilistic element to their rejection of old-timey football values like not cheating or running up the score on hapless opponents.

does that make the jets arkady?  hell, maybe we can extend it to the whole parcells coaching tree.  

by sendintheclowns on Nov 30, 2007 6:42 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

+1
Fathers and Sons/Children was my first introduction to Russian Literature.  I loved Bazarov.  That's a PERFECT comparison to the Pats.

I'd dare say you must have a little background in Russian Literature.

I think I'm going to re-read Fathers and Sons now.

-Chris

Jags Blogger for SB Nation Big Cat Country!

by River City Rage on Nov 30, 2007 6:51 PM EST reply actions   0 recs

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