I apologize in advance... it is all in the spirit of fun
by Tkopa on Nov 25, 2008 8:19 PM EST
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Jack Del Rio announced he will have off season surgery to remove his cranium from his colon. Doctors said his head got logged after he signed his new contract extension and they had to wait until the swelling went down before they could schedule the procedure. Jack Del Rio further stated he wished to thank the doctors for finding out the cause of his blindness.
Defensive Coordinator Greg Williams announced he will leave the Jacksonville Jaguars and become the defensive coordinator for both the San Diego Chargers and the Denver Broncos. His agent, in explaining the unprecedented move, said “both teams felt they needed only a half-ass defense to be successful, so Greg will spend half his time with each club”.
Matt Jones agent announced his client is holding out the 2009 season until he receives a new contract somewhere around “Larry Fitzgerald range”. In explaining the request his agent said “Now that Matt has achieved elite status as a receiver, he deserves to be paid as such”. The press conference was cut short as extended periods of laughter erupted upon which his agent said, “I’m getting him out of here”.
The team announced they had forgotten to mention that Reggie Williams had announced his retirement prior to the 2008 season. The times in which he wore the uniform during the season were only ceremonious and apologized for any misunderstanding.
Jack Harris announced the Jaguars Christmas program in which he will give away all of the 2009 draft selections. In the announcement Shack said “Giving without expecting anything in return brings out the best in me”.
Mike Tice announced a charity event in which he would throw footballs to Marcedes Lewis and donate $100 for every pass caught. A team spokesperson quickly interrupted the announcement saying the organization actually does give to charity.
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Drayton Florence explained why he seems to have lost a step and can't cover 3rd rate receivers
“It’s hard to run with your pockets stuffed with cash… I mean, if I could, I would… but it’s hard.”
Reggie Nelson explains why he didn’t tackle Justin Gage by saying, “I thought I’d get a head start on practicing for Dancing With the Stars, it’s never to soon to think about retirement.”
TKOPA, you sir, are a Witty Witty Man...
You are always SOLID SOLID SOLID in your fanposts bro. they are either really informative or really funny, I always enjoy reading them!
Thanks Bro!
It is a great site
Collin, you guys keep the profanity and attacks against each other to a minimum and allow an open discussion. I think you do a great job. It is a pleasure to particiapte.
Breaking News!!!
Jerry Porter will be placed on IR for the remainder of the 2008 and 2009 season. When asked why the Jaguars receiver commented with " I’m going to have surgery. I’m having a titanium skeleton put in along with two pairs of every muscle so if i injure one I’ll have another one ready to go."
Tony Pashos is going through therapy. He claims that all the holding he does is repercussions from a childhood without hugs.
Hot Dog:$4/Big Coke:$3/Tickets:$1400/Watching Peyton Manning Cry:Priceless...
tkopa.........
Id like to ask for your permission to do a translation of this post and take it to another forum where I’m a regular poster……….
Its really so much fun to read it……….
Raheen Mathis sues Reggie Nelson and Wins
Rasheen Mathis filed a lawsuit against Reggie Nelson for $500,000. Mr. Mathis claims to have a contract incentive worth that amount if he makes the Pro Bowl. He further claims that he could not earn the bonus as Mr. Nelson missed his defensive assignments too many times during the year.
The court awarded the settlement when Mr. Nelson failed to appear.
The Jags fine Rookie DE Q. Groves.
The AP reports rookie DE has been fined by the Team. The team and the Agent didnt respond to any call, but a player who prefers to stay anonymous leaked the facts.
Groves broke a team rule Tuesday when he appeared on a Liquor spot on national TV.
The spot showed groves lined up in offside ever since high school. And getting always to the Qb. the spot ended showing the Next slogan:
“Johnie Walker, a Step makes a Difference.”
BTW, I did post a translation on here:
http://boards.espn.go.com/boards/mb/mb?sport=deportes&id=deportesnfl&tid=75070&lid=0
I thought he meant to another team
I just thought he would change the names and apply it to a college team. I didn’t know he meant in spanish. I would have never known. He is a man of high integrity.
Maurice Jones-Drew placed on IR
The Jaguars star RB was placed on the Injured Reserve after an injury to his back. Jones-Drew said in a press conference, “I tried to carry the whole team on my back, but it was just too much pressure.”
Derrick Harvey New Spokesman for Lego
The AP reports that Harvey’s agent announced that he will become the new face of Lego’s Building Blocks. “Lego, Inc. and Derrick Harvey are a perfect fit”, said Harvey’s agent, “the ad campaign has changed slightly but we are still happy with it.” The Jaguars drafted Harvey in the 2008 draft to become the face of the Jaguar defense and become a “building block” for the team’s future. The AP has been told the original campaign carried this same theme, with it’s line of futuristic building blocks, but has since scrapped the whole idea. “We’ve come up with a new campaign that is much edgier, aiming towards the next generation of youngsters” said Lego, exec Jørgen Vig Knudstorp. “We’ve also tailored it to Derrick’s transformation on the field. Lego has moved from the building block theme to the simple phrase, ‘Get Blocked’”. The new commercial featuring Harvey matches his lack of personality. It simply is Harvey playing with Lego’s. He turns to the camera at the end of the commercial and says, “Derrick Harvey gets BLOCKED, do you?”.
Not sure why you apologized....
Now, that was really, really, really funny. And the response it generated—it’s got to be good to get that kind of attention. It’s been a long disappointing season. A little humor goes a long way. Please keep it coming. And to keep it going…..
Derrick Harvey’s agent announced today that his client would hold out again next until the end of training camp. He was hoping to convice next year’s first rounder to do the same so he would have someone to play video games with. When asked why, he stated “Derrick feels the holdout is keeping his progression at a slow enough rate so that expectations don’t get out of hand.” Added Harvey, “at the rate I’m developing, I think I’ll be able to get at least 2 sacks next year. Of course that depends on the success of my next holdout. If Del Rio starts that fine crap, I may have to report earlier than I want to. Thanks to the team’s greed, I don’t make enough money to absorb too many fines. And that training camp stuff is pretty hard and could improve my skills at too fast a pace. Then the fans will start thinking we have a chance again. That’s a lot to ask a second year player to take on.” When reminded he had actually signed a contract, Harvey responded, “don’t be raining on my parade! That’s why I hate it here. Everyone expects too much. Man, I can’t wait for free agency.” In response to a question about loyalty to his teammates, Harvey nearly exploded. “Man, I never said I wouldn’t show up for games.”
That was great, How about this (along the same line)
Derrick Harvey announces the end of his holdout. Coach Del Rio responded “After 11 professional games, I am glad he has chosen to actually play, we welcome him to the team.”
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