Ok. Mirror time.
As the Sunday afternoon sun hovered around in a steamy, confused haze...and you stumbled out of a "lemme get my second wind" shower, did you pause...then straighten your mustache and think, "We're gonna win this one today!"
Even with a fresh green column of Pinaud Talc, you didn't. This one was a loser from the word "tarmac."
Traveling cross-country for the Jags blows. Yes, polar bears romp around the jungle in ABC's Lost, but Jaguars do not spin the clock backwards and play solid football in Northern Mexico.
Every time our defense produced a fresh pigskin, the offensive unit was happy to give it away. And even our muscled midget spit forth a pea of prosperity for the opposition. Oh how cursed it was. Miller Lite's juvenile "Vortex bottle" strained with all its marketing might to whirlpool me away from the constant throat-cutting that our beloved Jaguars were insistent upon displaying in so many painful ways....but to no avail.
A team record in turnovers.
I simply don't have enough gauze for this one. But, I do have some pain relief nearby, because I was prepared for pain. Any wise Jaguar fan knows that an enemy quarterback with half a head on his shoulders will shit in your mouth and call it a sundae. And so, it was.
But while I nurse these wounds, the questions still remain. Who plays linebacker for the Jags other than Daryl Smith? Who did Dirk Koetter blow to get his job? And by the way, I know that brown stuff on my lips ain't chocolate, but would it hurt to cover a tight end for a change?
We're the Jaguars. I have mouthwash and soon all will be minty fresh. Maybe it's time we rinse our mouths. Take a deep breath. And forget those nasty words we all just said about our team's performance in San Diego. It could be worse...at least Vince Young isn't our quarterback.