Jaguars postgame locker room
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:00 PM EST
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PrintAs the team enters the locker room after another disappointing loss head coach Jack Del Rio calls for the team to circle up and listen to him...
JDR: Well men we all know that we are better then that
MJD: No, we are not..
JDR: Umm, like I was saying we have to keep fighting and clawing and we need to win some games and get to the tourament
MJD: What?!?! The tournament?!?!!? Coach, we are mathematically eliminated, the year is over......
Karim: Yes the season is over, now is when we unleash the Dejibomb
*Rest of team boo's*
JDR: Well I don't believe in anything I can't spell and I can't spell mathemeaticly, so we still got it
MJD: *Calls agent* "Get me out of here"
*Wayne Weaver walks in looking somber and extremely aged*
JDR: Hey! There he is, lets give Mr. Weaver a round of applause and the game ball
No one claps and is dumbfounded that a game ball is given out in a loss
Posluszny: *whispering to Alualu* "Jack is trying to look good for Wayne, he doesn't want to lose his job"
WW: Jack please, do not try to impress me
JDR: Look Wayne, I'm juggling Mike Thomas!!!!!
WW: Someone call Cowher
*Out of nowhere the roof opens and a mysterious figure gently glides into the room*
Kampman: IT'S MEGAN FOX
Youboty: IT'S ANGELINA JOLIE
Gabbert: IT'S Justin Bieber!!!
*Whole team looks and shakes their heads*
Mysterious Figure: I am nor Fox, nor Jolie, nor Bieber...I am TEBOW *glitter falls from celing*
JDR: What? Tim didn't you just play a game.....In San Diego?!?! Why the F*** are you here....And why are you talking like that?
Sir Tebow: Well my peasant, I am Tebow, son of God and I am 5-1 so I can do whatever I want
Gabbert: Come on now Tim, you are horrible and you rely on your defense to win
Tebow: Wins don't lie pretty boy
*Gabbert goes to attack him but trips on his hair and is somehow sacked by Connor Barwin again"
Tebow: Well peace out boy scouts I'm going to go party with some pretty ladies
*Tebow disappears in smoke and gets a round of applause from a few players*
JDR: Well that was odd.....Just to let you know I don't care about anyone outside the Jags....I love this team and wouldn't want anyone else
Gabbert: So you would rather have me than Aaron Rodgers?
JDR: Yes.....Keep the faith baby
Gabbert: You are a psycho
JDR: Nope, I know that I trust my team and that they trust me....All of my current and former players would back me up
*Limping in with an ax in his foot former punter Chris Hansen enters*
Hansen: No JDR, not all of your former players like you......
WW: aaaaaaaaannnddd not all of your owners like you
JDR: Fuck the police, fight the power, I'm the sheriff in this town, I don't need no owner
*JDR proceeds to "dougie" as players start to cry/leave as they realize their fate has been sealed with this man as their coach*
WW: Jack, you're fired.......Ummmmmmmmm someone call Rhett Chrystal, he will be our next head coach, he will motivate this team
*BCC poster and draft expert Rhett Chrystal crawls out from the locker of Blaine Gabbert and starts dancing*
Rhett: HAHA I'm the coach, OK were trading MJD and Gabbert for Aaron Rodgers, then we sign T.O. and go to the promised land
*Tebow re-emerges*
Tebow: Did someone say promised land?
WW: What Rhett why were you already in the locker room?
Rhett: Oh, I'm always here.....I got the Jags 411
*A drunk Joe Fisher enters partially nude with only a grass skirt on*
Joe: I'M BECOMING A SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS FAN
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They can take our pride, they can take our freedom,
but they will never take our sense of humor.
Respect My Authoritah
Funny's funny
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:26 PM EST up reply actions
Dirk Koetter inspired me
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:33 PM EST up reply actions
thanks for the mention
Obviously you’ve seen my karaoke video from Saturday night.
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Many times
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:42 PM EST up reply actions
Hahahaha
This is awesome. Only thing I thought it was missing was JDR making one of his usual, assanine challenges.
by grues0809 on Nov 27, 2011 9:40 PM EST via mobile reply actions
"I SWEAR FLACCO STEPPED OUT"
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:42 PM EST up reply actions
I like it, all we can do is laugh at this point.
Dont forget about the part where JDR storms out of the locker room trying to hide the tears.
There will be a part two
Only if we lose against SD though…
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:42 PM EST up reply actions
Actually this should be a daily feature
by Slawsc on Nov 27, 2011 10:22 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Hopefully this time next year
We’ll be laughing at the ridiculously great throws Blaine is making to a new WR
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 9:46 PM EST up reply actions
*Gabbert goes to attack him but trips on his hair and is somehow sacked by Connor Barwin again"
Literally laughed out loud on that one.
I now have a distinct hate/love for Connor Barwin
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:09 PM EST up reply actions
He's the man.
I was a freshman at UC when he got drafted and I ran into him sometime in the following may… I obviously told him that I wanted jax to draft him and he just laughed and said that he actually thought he was going to be a jag, too.
Here’s to hoping he continues to be a sack master… Just not against us in the future haha
by grues0809 on Nov 27, 2011 10:23 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Is there any other nfl team that we can
Easily recite their backups?
Kevin walter
Joel dressen
Connor barwin
Fu$k I even know who Matt Turk is now
by Slawsc on Nov 27, 2011 10:25 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Damn Texans
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:28 PM EST up reply actions
I definitely get your point,
but connor is not a backup. We would’ve probably had more trouble with him, prior to today, but he had a nasty year ending injury last year in week 1. He was picked in the 2nd round to be a starter and now is one
Once upon a time
He created an SBNation account and answered questions live here on BCC.
Follow me on Twitter
by Adam Stites on Nov 27, 2011 10:31 PM EST up reply actions
I now love him
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:37 PM EST up reply actions
he was so cool to the extent that he was willing to come into my apartment for a second and sign my UC flag...
I guess we lived in the same apartment complex for a solid year and I had never even seen him once before then haha
It's a true love story
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:41 PM EST up reply actions
hahaha
not for me but my sister ran into him last summer at a bar around here and she got a pic of kissing him. So, maybe if I’m lucky, they’ll get married and I can be an uncle to a future BA haha
Loved it!
I practically almost peed my pants. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I can’t wait for part 2, I love the Conner Barwin line absolutely hilarious
Follow me on twitter @ATgators
Thanks for the support!!!
Glad you thought it was funny, I think that I might start doing more of these things and probably I will do “Post game locker room” segment after every game
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:02 PM EST reply actions
There was literally three or four times when i was cracking up
This was hilarious
LET'S GO RIDERS!!!!
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That's Alfie
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:28 PM EST up reply actions
The camera adds 40 pounds
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:47 PM EST up reply actions
Great sense of humor…I needed that. Hey, does anyone think that the Jaguars players or coaches visit this site? probably?!
by orecic76 on Nov 27, 2011 10:33 PM EST via mobile reply actions
I hope so
I bet JDR would laugh at this….or cry
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:39 PM EST up reply actions
I think some personnel within the organization must
because oehser has mentioned in the ozone before that he and others respect alfie’s work
;o
maybe they will consider me at head coach?
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
by rhettchrystal on Nov 27, 2011 10:46 PM EST up reply actions
I bet you'd have better clock management than JDR
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:49 PM EST up reply actions
I would lead this team to the Super Bowl
with my trust coordinators…
OC: Adam Stites
DC: Zoltan
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
by rhettchrystal on Nov 27, 2011 10:50 PM EST up reply actions
trusty*
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
by rhettchrystal on Nov 27, 2011 10:50 PM EST up reply actions
Alfie is GM
Chris Brown is owner.
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
by rhettchrystal on Nov 27, 2011 10:58 PM EST up reply actions
Breezy?
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:00 PM EST up reply actions
Really????
Link?
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:47 PM EST up reply actions
http://www.jaguars.com/news/article-theOzone/Get-to-work/BA23109F-9C5B-459F-8D3C-C68D9C91FFA8
seems that he reads it
others probably do too
Sweet dude!
Thanks a ton
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:58 PM EST up reply actions
I would never trade Maurice.
and I wouldn’t sign TO, although he’s better then all our receivers,
And all though this is hilarious, I’m 6’4" 200 lbs, I doubt I could fit in a locker.
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
Maybe Pot Roast's locker
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:43 PM EST up reply actions
that could work lol.
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
by rhettchrystal on Nov 27, 2011 10:44 PM EST up reply actions
I'm only 14....
Maybe I should quit baseball and football and focus on satirical comedy
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 10:54 PM EST up reply actions
Don't quit football.
But, whether you know or not, you followed some basic scriptwriting rules. You may have a knack for it.
Throw the ball, score points.
So while I was cat daddying with Deji Karim
after getting my first job. Chris Brown appears and buys the team, so now were all cat daddying in the locker room, while Wayne Weaver has a huge smile, and Jack Del Rio is crying.
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
But will Breezy move us?
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:04 PM EST up reply actions
nope
He saw how beautiful Jacksonville was, and decided to stay put.
So I got the job, and Chris Brown buys the team, and at the same time we both say “Look at me now…Look at me now…..I’m gettin paper”
And a long lasting friendship begins.
"thanks for hating"
"Give it up now before its too late!…. CJ will be shut down? Nevermind, its already too late." AZ TiTan10
by rhettchrystal on Nov 27, 2011 11:08 PM EST up reply actions
And then he beats up Blaine after a 3 pick performance
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:09 PM EST up reply actions
hilarious
i have to know. i’ve been comng here for a while and want to know what did @joefisher do to get banned at stampede blue
If you dont like the Jaguars then f*ck you.
This is a registered trademark of Ricky Bobby inc.
by Bryan Richardson on Nov 27, 2011 11:05 PM EST reply actions
He asked a question
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:09 PM EST up reply actions
Pretty much
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:11 PM EST up reply actions
ok
must’ve said something about their beloved savior.
If you dont like the Jaguars then f*ck you.
This is a registered trademark of Ricky Bobby inc.
by Bryan Richardson on Nov 27, 2011 11:19 PM EST up reply actions
Thanks dude
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:10 PM EST up reply actions
Haha
My Tumblr, where the photoshops and other crap go. | EDSBS steam group.
"Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you." - Edward Teach
by RjTheMetalhead on Nov 27, 2011 11:14 PM EST reply actions
good post
next time make sure to bring back the ghost of hugh douglas as well (although if T.O is on this team im sure he’ll want no part of him again)
If you dont like the Jaguars then f*ck you.
This is a registered trademark of Ricky Bobby inc.
by Bryan Richardson on Nov 27, 2011 11:20 PM EST reply actions
Hugh Douglas wants to fight JDR right?
Let him in
I was born into the Purdue and Miami family, became a Jaguars fan after moving to Jacksonville and adopted the Royals as my baseball team.....All of my teams are kinda bad....
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 27, 2011 11:25 PM EST up reply actions
It's not Barwin, it's Whimper
To say Whimper is F*cking terrible doesn’t do justice to how bad he is. I have stepped in dogshit that showed more life than him. I have felt a Jacksonville breeze that hit harder than him. In fact I guarantee that if we went with a four man line in that game we would have given up less sacks. How is he still starting, much less on an actual NFL roster? That’s the most disturbing mystery of all. Any ball boy or ticket puncher could come in for free and perform more admirably than that fat sack of crap. I wonder how this coaching staff can sell us that they are working every week to “improve and win a game and execute” and all that bullshit when they continue to stick personnel like Whimper out there. It amounts to throwing in the towel. Bradfield is on the roster! And there are countless other free agents available. As a Jaguar fan it is the most painful thing about this team. Whimper wouldn’t make it on the Sharks, and sure as hell wouldn’t make it on the Saskatchewan Roughriders practice squad. His place on the team just serves to show why Gene Smith should be tossed out just like Del Rio.
by natron-refried-means on Nov 28, 2011 1:49 AM EST reply actions
It's all a comedy from here out
Jersey just got colder
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 28, 2011 11:10 AM EST up reply actions
All we can do is laugh and cry
Very comical article. I liked Hanson coming with an axe lol
"HULU: An evil plot to destroy the world. Enjoy"
"I find your lack of faith...Disturbing" - Darth Vader
"Just Win, baby!"
by TheTealDeal on Nov 28, 2011 2:05 AM EST via mobile reply actions
Also liked the rhymes
"HULU: An evil plot to destroy the world. Enjoy"
"I find your lack of faith...Disturbing" - Darth Vader
"Just Win, baby!"
by TheTealDeal on Nov 28, 2011 2:07 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Tebow relies on the 20th ranked defense to win games...
…too bad Gabbert can’t really on the 4th ranked defense to do the same.
funny you mention that
In Tebow’s 5 winning starts, the defense has given up 15, 24, 10, 13 and 13 and his passing numbers are similar to Gabbert’s.
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Defensive rankings are very deceptive
Points is all that matter, and his D has been letting him stay in the game
Jersey just got colder
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 28, 2011 8:07 AM EST up reply actions
alright.
this is very funny!
CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON
Thanks
and please don’t cut Kareem Jackson……I love his ability to give up big plays
Jersey just got colder
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 28, 2011 12:56 PM EST up reply actions
you can have him.
Straight trade for Cecil Shorts?
CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON CUT KAREEM JACKSON
by Carter Liles on Nov 28, 2011 1:53 PM EST up reply actions
Nope spoke too soon
I wouldn’t do it because Shorts has shown some promise and we need WR’s
Jersey just got colder
by tiquanunderwear on Nov 28, 2011 2:01 PM EST up reply actions
I say let scobee start at DE, he's gotten some tackles on kick returns. Or start Scobee as a WR, with his mega kicking legs he could get vertical i think.
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