FanPost

Jaguars postgame locker room

As the team enters the locker room after another disappointing loss head coach Jack Del Rio calls for the team to circle up and listen to him...

 

JDR: Well men we all know that we are better then that

MJD: No, we are not..

JDR: Umm, like I was saying we have to keep fighting and clawing and we need to win some games and get to the tourament

MJD: What?!?! The tournament?!?!!? Coach, we are mathematically eliminated, the year is over......

Karim: Yes the season is over, now is when we unleash the Dejibomb

*Rest of team boo's*

JDR: Well I don't believe in anything I can't spell and I can't spell mathemeaticly, so we still got it

MJD: *Calls agent* "Get me out of here"

*Wayne Weaver walks in looking somber and extremely aged*

JDR: Hey! There he is, lets give Mr. Weaver a round of applause and the game ball

No one claps and is dumbfounded that a game ball is given out in a loss

Posluszny: *whispering to Alualu* "Jack is trying to look good for Wayne, he doesn't want to lose his job"

WW: Jack please, do not try to impress me

JDR: Look Wayne, I'm juggling Mike Thomas!!!!!

WW: Someone call Cowher

*Out of nowhere the roof opens and a mysterious figure gently glides into the room*

Kampman: IT'S MEGAN FOX

Youboty: IT'S ANGELINA JOLIE

Gabbert: IT'S Justin Bieber!!!

*Whole team looks and shakes their heads*

Mysterious Figure: I am nor Fox, nor Jolie, nor Bieber...I am TEBOW *glitter falls from celing*

JDR: What? Tim didn't you just play a game.....In San Diego?!?! Why the F*** are you here....And why are you talking like that?

Sir Tebow: Well my peasant, I am Tebow, son of God and I am 5-1 so I can do whatever I want

Gabbert: Come on now Tim, you are horrible and you rely on your defense to win

Tebow: Wins don't lie pretty boy

*Gabbert goes to attack him but trips on his hair and is somehow sacked by Connor Barwin again"

Tebow: Well peace out boy scouts I'm going to go party with some pretty ladies

*Tebow disappears in smoke and gets a round of applause from a few players*

JDR: Well that was odd.....Just to let you know I don't care about anyone outside the Jags....I love this team and wouldn't want anyone else

Gabbert: So you would rather have me than Aaron Rodgers?

JDR: Yes.....Keep the faith baby

Gabbert: You are a psycho

JDR: Nope, I know that I trust my team and that they trust me....All of my current and former players would back me up

*Limping in with an ax in his foot former punter Chris Hansen enters*

Hansen: No JDR, not all of your former players like you......

WW: aaaaaaaaannnddd not all of your owners like you

JDR: Fuck the police, fight the power, I'm the sheriff in this town, I don't need no owner

*JDR proceeds to "dougie" as players start to cry/leave as they realize their fate has been sealed with this man as their coach*

WW: Jack, you're fired.......Ummmmmmmmm someone call Rhett Chrystal, he will be our next head coach, he will motivate this team

*BCC poster and draft expert Rhett Chrystal crawls out from the locker of Blaine Gabbert and starts dancing*

Rhett: HAHA I'm the coach, OK were trading MJD and Gabbert for Aaron Rodgers, then we sign T.O. and go to the promised land

*Tebow re-emerges*

Tebow: Did someone say promised land?  

WW: What Rhett why were you already in the locker room?

Rhett: Oh, I'm always here.....I got the Jags 411

*A drunk Joe Fisher enters partially nude with only a grass skirt on*

Joe: I'M BECOMING A SASKATCHEWAN ROUGHRIDERS FAN

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