Monday morning coaches meeting

*It's time for the weekly Jaguars coaching meeting, all the coaches are in and ready....except for Jack Del Rio and Dirk Koetter*

*Del Rio walks in looking sad and distraught, he slams his notebook and takes a seat next to Special Teams coordinator Russ Purnell*

Purnell: Come on Jack, don't be so discouraged.  It's not all your fault that were 3-8 and that we lost yesterday

JDR: No, No I'm not angry because of that Dumbass....Anyone notice something different today?


Cullen (DLine) : Hey Mel, your mom didn't mind me going pantless

Sheppard (QB's): Simmer down you guys, I know the answer.  Obviously Jack isn't wearing his "Lucky undies"

JDR: All of you are idiots....I'm not angry about the loss (we'll turn it around) I'm angry about the fact that after our last loss Sea Best Seafood has rescinded their Jaguar sponsorship......So the sad news is that today our meeting will be partaken without crab cakes

*Koetter who was opening the door and heres the news and immediately pulls a gun from his sweatpants pocket and shoots himself in the leg....He dies from blood loss and no one seems to care*

JDR: *Over the loud speaker* Can we have a janitor in room 36, I repeat room 36

Sheppard: Well now that Koetter is gone, I guess I'll call the plays

*The ghost of Vince Lombardi appears and starts yelling in Swedish before realizing where he is and adjusting*

Lombardi: NO NO NO, I will not let Mike Sheppard ruin the NFL any more than the Jaguars offense has...He's a receivers coach coaching a raw rookie quarterback....I mean who's fucking dumb idea was that?

JDR: *Raises hand and goes crazy* OH OH Vince that was my idea, I know I'm really smart and stuff so just don't mention it...*giggles*

Lombardi: What the hell is going on out here

*Coming in the room are two 24 year old "Jaguar fans" on a tour of the stadium sponsored by Bowden Eye Associates*

*The two fans somehow bypass security, most likely because Guy Whimper was on duty, and go slam the door open*

Fan 1) Man it's dem coaches man, dem coaches are dem dumbo's dat keep losing us dem damn games

Fan 2) Man where's Del Rio man, Hey Del Rio I found you, Man why didn't you draft my homie Tebow.... Man if the Jags picked Tebow they would have 8 rings by now....I mean all he does is win man....Man dem Jags would be getting 95,000 fans a game and would be America's Team

*The roof opens and Tebow glides in*

JDR: Oh Lord, not again, not again.....Tim why are you here AGAIN?

Tebow: Well I'm actually on a mission trip and I happened to pop in and I heard my name

*The 2 fans begin chanting and start rubbing Tebow's hair....*

*Gabbert soon enters and pushes Tebow*

Gabbert: Woah there motherfucker, if anyone deserves a hair rub it's this guy....I mean look at these golden locks

JDR: Well this has been useful.....

*Del Rio walks out of the room crying and ends up at a Wendy's with a "I'm with stupid shirt*

*The cashier at Wendy's turns out to be SALTWATERJAG, who belittles Del Rio and calls for JDR to sign Randy Moss and Brett Favre*

*Del Rio realizing his fate falls to the ground and curses God, which leads to another Tebow appearance, Tebow then begins to preach from the bible*

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