Battle to the Bottom: Week 8 "Impotence Rankings"

Another week, another impotence ranking. There's a bit of a shakeup as 3/4 two win teams got their third win. Also, there are now 17 teams under .500. Sorting through the 3-win teams was as fun as sorting cacti by prickliness. Still, the public demands (ok, has a casual interest in) my opinion.

A few notes from this week:

There's a new number one in town: The Kansas City Chiefs

The Jets make a huge leap from 11 up to 5. Watch out everybody, here they come.

The Colts and Dolphins are both in the 20's... Huh?

Anyway, here are my week 8 "Impotence Rankings"

1) LW: 2 (1-6) Kansas City Chiefs: The Chiefs have taken over the top spot with another gutless showing. They got more or less blown out early against the Raiders, who should also be pretty close to the top of this list. Brady Quinn's got nothing.

2) LW: 4 (1-6) Carolina Panthers: They're really trying to go toe to toe with the Jaguars. After Jacksonville blows a big lead at the last second to Oakland in week 7, the Panthers call the same defensive play over and over on their way to a last second loss to Chicago.

3) LW: 1 (1-6) Jacksonville Jaguars: Jaguars fans beware, this team looked halfway respectable against the Packers. They still couldn't get out of their own way, and gave up a blocked punt for a TD, but Blaine Gabbert got his first 300 yard game. He's now done it in 4.7% of his career starts before you get all jazzed up. Still, it makes the matchup against the Detroit Lions more dangerous than it would have been last week.

4) LW: 3 (2-6) Cleveland Browns: The Browns got their second win in exactly the way I was worried it would happen. Their defense is too good for their own good, and it will get them out of the top five before the season is over.

5) LW: 11 (3-5) New York Jets: I bet you guys weren't ready for this, were you? It's true, though, the Jets have worked their way up this list by laying out a few real stinkers since losing Darelle Revis. There's some talent on this team, but no heart and not much fight. By the way, how we feeling about Tim Tebow after Miami blocked two kicks this week?

6) LW: 9 (2-5) New Orleans Saints: I thought the Saints would be moving down this list and not up it, but what can I say? I calls em like I sees em and Joe Vitt can't stop the run or rush the QB. Help is not on the way for that defense and if the Saints win, it will be because Drew Brees carried them there.

7) LW: 6 (3-4) Oakland Raiders: The Raiders do move back after a win, but not far. Beating the Chiefs is like stomping a spider. It's pretty easy, but you feel a little bad about it afterwards.

8) LW: 8 (3-5) Tennessee Titans: Say what you will about Jake Locker, but this is a whole new offense with Matt Hasslebeck. Defense is still horrendous, though.

9) LW: 10 (3-4) Buffalo Bills: They didn't play this week, but 3 of 4 two-win teams got wins last week, and that moves the Bills up just a tiny bit.

10) LW: 5 (3-4) Detroit Lions: These guys are tough to place. If their passing game gets back on track, they could land around the middle of the league, but they're always a risk to throw a real stinker.

11) LW: 14 (3-5) St. Louis Rams: Winless at home, but 2-0 in their division. I think Willy Wonka says it best. Rams got absolutely wrecked by the Patriots. Not that that's a surprise.

12) LW: 7 (3-4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: There's a surprising amount of turnover in the top 10. Still, beating an above .500 team has to drop you on this list, and the Bucs embarrassed the Vikings.

13) LW: 15 (3-4) San Diego Chargers: This. After a loss to the Browns, I couldn't have said it better myself. Chargers are charging rapidly up this list.

14) LW: 13 (3-4) Cincinnati Bengals: A slight bump for the Bengals on their bye week. Nothing new to say.

15) LW: 17 (3-5) Washington Redskins: RG3 is now RG(3-5). The three wins are over New Orleans, Tampa Bay and the rapidly collapsing Vikings. Just so you know, as of today Andrew Luck is in the playoffs with a worse surrounding cast. #teamLuck

16) LW: 19 (3-4) Philadelphia Eagles: Still getting a little bit of a bump, but they are no longer useful in fantasy (or in real life) if Michael Vick keeps playing with butterfingers.

17) LW: 16 (3-4) Dallas Cowboys: Meh powers, Activate! Mediocre team with a mediocre QB and a massively overblown hype machine.

18) LW: 24 (4-4) Arizona Cardinals: Well... That was fun while it lasted, but the Cardinals and Seahawks are no threat to the 49ers.

19) LW: 23 (4-4) Seattle Seahawks: Week 8 is upon us and the non-49ers teams in the NFC West are back where they belong: at or below .500. I guess we all bit pretty hard on that fake.

20) LW: 12 (4-3) Indianapolis Colts: If you're technically in the playoffs, then you can make it this far down the list. If you're the Indianapolis Colts with a -35 scoring balance, you don't make it one inch further. Congrats to Andrew Luck. Kid is the real deal.

21) LW: 18 (4-3) Miami Dolphins: I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Dolphins have made a season out of it this year. They've absolutely separated themselves from the pretenders in the AFC East, and should hold down the 2nd spot in that division.

22) LW: 20 (4-3) Pittsburgh Steelers: A win is a win and the Steelers certainly beat the Redskins. I still can't see the Steelers going too far this year, as that defense has taken a big step back.

23) LW: 26 (5-3) Minnesota Vikings: I was thinking of pushing the Vikings up past the Steelers, but decided against it. Suffice it to say the Vikings will be climbing this list fast.

24) LW: 27 (5-2) Baltimore Ravens: These Ravens are hit or miss from week to week, and have a worse net point total than the Vikings. No guarantees they won't rise in the coming weeks.

25) LW: 22 (4-3) Denver Broncos: Look out, because here comes the fivehead. Peyton Manning can do whatever he wants with all his weapons in Denver. They're a major threat to everyone.

26) LW: 21 (5-3) New England Patriots: If you win, you slide and the Patriots had a very convincing win this week. Granted, it was over the Rams, but still.

27) LW: 25 (6-2) New York Giants: Dallas almost beat them. Dallas. At 6-2, however, the Giants deserve to be where they are: just outside of the top 5 teams.

28) LW: 28 (5-3) Green Bay Packers: Show of hands: who thinks the Packers are ever going to lose again this season? Well, they might, but they should get to double digit wins this year even if they don't catch the Bears.

29) LW: 29 (6-2) San Fransisco 49ers: These guys aren't going anywhere. After laying the smack down on the Cardinals, they should be well on their way to the the division crown. They're a real, complete team folks. (sidenote: how bout Randy Moss stepping up this week, amIrite?)

30) LW: 31 (6-1) Chicago Bears: If you need a last second field goal to beat the Panthers, you don't get the BotD over an undefeated team. Sorry Bears.

31) LW: 30 (7-0) Atlanta Falcons: Moving down the list with solid play as their opponents self-destruct. Kind of a microcosm for their entire season.

32) LW: 32 (6-1) Houston Texans: I've seen nothing to make me change my mind on these Texans during their bye week. They're pretty durn scary, top to bottom.

FanPosts do not necessarily reflect the views of the authors of Big Cat Country or SB Nation.

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