The Dead Zone can bring out the best and the worst in football fans, and Jags fans are no exception. There are no results or stats or streaks to proffer, so opinions rule the airwaves and the net.
An example of the best is the Black and Teal Legends series Jpon is writing. It’s a great walk down memory lane and a nice source of discussion.
An example of the worst is … well… you’re reading it.
Here are the 10 Jags opponents I hate the most and the well thought-out reasons that fully justify those opinions.
1. The national sports media.
They can, as “nationalmediacansuckit” so eloquently explains, suck it. They were just so excited St Louis or Baltimore would get the league’s 30th franchise. They’d get to see that big arch-y thing or get to eat crab cakes at the inner harbor. Everything was just going to be so fine.
Then the NFL awarded its only remaining franchise to Jacksonville. It broke my heart they were so saddened, nay, angered.
“What? Jacksonville? I was so wrong. Boo-effing-hoo. I’m an incompetent hack. My sources. I hate Jacksonville and will for the rest of my life. I’ll write stories, but I won’t bother to look things up. I don’t need facts. They’re moving to LA anyway. Look at how they lead the league in blackouts. What? I’m famous. I hate the Jags.”
The feeling is mutual, you hacks.
p.s. This is the only group without the skill or talent to face the Jags on the field.
2. Randy Moss.
Why? Fred should have been OROY.
Moss set rookie receiving records. I don’t care. He played in the Super Bowl. I don’t care. He caught more TD passes in a single season than any other player in NFL history. So what. He’s most likely a first-ballot HOFer. Big deal.
I love Fred. I hate Randy.
3. Eddie George
If I took Eddie George’s best 300 games in the NFL, 268 of them would be against the Jaguars. Was it illegal for him to suck when he played us? Eddie George up the middle. Eddie George around the end. Eddie George off tackle. Touchdown!!
Rinse. Repeat. Every freaking game. Not against the Steelers. Not against the Browns. Not against Miami. Against us.
As an NFL fan, I have to appreciate and respect what he did.
As a Jaguars fan, I don’t have to like it.
4. Jeff Fisher
The Dirk Diggler-porn-mustache-wearing greatest football genius coach ever with a record barely above .500.
“We have THREE home fields.”
“Keep choppin’ wood.”
Cocky, smug and abrasive.
If we were ever at a party together, I’d made it a point of personal pride to purposely avoid him like the plague. (For the record, we have never been invited to the same party, nor are we ever likely to be.)
Good luck with those Rams, Jeff. Can’t wait to smash your face in.
5. Peyton Manning
I hate him because he’s so good.
Well, I don’t really hate him, but he is really good. He beat the Jags like a drum made from a redheaded stepchild’s rented mule.
Pass. Catch. Pass. Catch. Pass. Catch. … Just stop it!
“The quarterback must go down, and he must go down hard.” He went down on occasion, but it was always of his own volition, never from getting clobbered. And when the Jags DID get close, the refs would throw a flag, warning the Jags not to do that anymore.
Goodbye, Peyton. What took you so long?
6. Big Ben
Should have been a Jaguar, along with Suggs.
The Jags overall have a winning record against the Steelers. But it seems every time the Steelers are victorious, it’s because Big Ben comes up with a clutch play at crunch time. Remember the pass he threw from horizontal about six inches off the ground that kept the game-winning drive alive? Do you recall any of the spectacular plays he made with Jaguars all around, all over him?
And then hanging around after the playoff upset in Pittsburgh for Garrard to finish his post-game interview in order to congratulate him.
7. Vince Young
Then there’s the other end of the quarterback spectrum.
Because MoJo should have been OROY. Because “all he does is win.” Because he was so overrated. Because he played for Tennessee. Because I just don’t like him.
8. Warren Sapp
Do I really have to explain this one?
The fool he made of himself in his final NFL game continues to this day (or at least until the network fires him) as, and I use this term VERY loosely, an “analyst” on some TV show. The Prince of Platitudes seems to be unencumbered by the need to do any homework, unless making those faces counts.
Dec. 23, 2007: Final game. Oakland at Jacksonville. The big sapp buys 10,000 tickets for his family and closest friends to watch him conclude his glorious career. Two minutes into the game, Warren gets upset that he couldn’t properly communicate to the ref whether the Raiders would accept or decline a 10-yard penalty against the Jags. Warren yells at the ref. Players are confused. Coaches wonder. Warren yells more and gets an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. He yells more. The Roar and Jaxxson are now watching what unfolds with interest. The chain gang drops the chains. Warren gets a second unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Peanut guys and TV announcers wonder what’s going on. Bus drivers pull over on the Hart and Matthews bridges. The space shuttle crew stops running experiments. Warren yells more, bumps the ref and gets ejected. Everyone wonders, “WTF?”
Way to go out on a high note, sapp. Enjoy your shower.
9. Brian Cushing
Do steroids really make you that stupid?
No one, not even you, believed the BS that your astronomically high test results were caused by you having testicular cancer.
The testicular cancer that you never told your coaches about? The testicular cancer you never mentioned to your mom? Or your teammates? Or the team doctors? The testicular cancer for which you never took any medication and just figured it would just go away… like all the other cancers do?
I guess another round of strong steroids made him realize how ludicrous that sounded, because at his famous press conference he announced it wasn’t cancer after all… it was just that he trained so hard.
It was that I-over-work-out-a-lot-so-my-HGH-levels-are-astronomical syndrome. Good thing no other players in the NFL work out, or the league would have to fold because of all the positive test results. Amazingly, he’s the only one of eight billion people on the face of the earth to suffer from this extremely rare malady.
But mostly for that cheap shop on Gabbert.
Whoa there, MFer. Have some more juice.
You got somebody else?