Jaguars vs. Rams 2013: THE BCC PREVIEW EXTRAVAGANZA

The Jacksonville Jaguars are going west to take on the St. Louis Rams. I thought France didn't have an NFL team. Big Cat Country has everything you need to know about the game whatever... /handwank

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Game Info

St. Louis:

Not Just Baseball and Hockey!

BY UNCLE CHAPS

St Louis. A town like no other. Perched on the hills of the Rocky Mountains, St. Louis is named after Louis VIII of Monte Carlo. Historically a hockey town, St Louis had success in recent years due to the beer boom that took place shortly after Prohibition ended in 1997. With countless theme parks and ocean views, St Louis is a tourist destination for lovers of Groupon and Living Social.

Sam Bradford is a quarterback. He looks like a child with a child's face.

Jeff Fisher has a pretty good mustache but a soul that is comprised of dip spit and cheap whiskey. It has been said that Jeff Fisher can S my D.

With the return of Justin Blackmon, the Jaguars are on the cusp of having Justin Blackmon return. He will be back. Yay.

It will be interesting to see how Blackmon deals with the thin air from the altitude in St Louis. I caught up with Justin and he said, "Are you that bro from EU? Why are you wearing that silly hat? You are an ugly man." Justin bullied me. [EDITORS NOTE: BCC DOES NOT CONDONE CYBER-BULLYING AND WILL REPORT YOU FOR CYBER-BULLYING TO THE INTERNET POLICE.]

Longtime Jaguar great Ricky Stanzi is set to be enshrined into the Ring of Honor this weekend. It will be a strange ceremony that happens at half time of an away game and will not be open to the public.

Bed taxes will be used to pay for the sign with Stanzi's name on it but when in doubt, make the tourist pay.

Dinner for the remainder of the season will be plain toast and boiled beans. Life is awful. Go Jaguars.

Ricky Stanzi, QB

Guys, I have found a new level of apathy and laziness. So much so that I was going to simply cut and paste Chaps' paragraph on Stanzi and straight plagiarize it, but the the mouse fell off the table and I just don't have energy to stretch to pick it up. I could hyperlink back up to his section, but I couldn't tell you what is a hyperlink? [EDITOR'S NOTE: INSERT NOTE HERE]

Other Players, Various Positions

Guys, I have found a new level of apathy and laziness. So much so that I was going to simply cut and paste Chaps' paragraph on Stanzi and straight plagiarize it, but the the mouse fell off the table and I just don't have energy to stretch to pick it up. I could hyperlink back up to his section, but I couldn't tell you what is a hyperlink? [EDITOR'S NOTE: INSERT NOTE HERE]

Coaches, More People

Guys, I have found a new level of apathy and laziness. So much so that I was going to simply cut and paste Chaps' paragraph on Stanzi and straight plagiarize it, but the the mouse fell off the table and I just don't have energy to stretch to pick it up. I could hyperlink back up to his section,but I couldn't tell you what is a hyperlink? [EDITOR'S NOTE: INSERT NOTE HERE]

Bed Tax, Tax

Guys, I have found a new level of apathy and laziness. So much so that I was going to simply cut and paste Chaps' paragraph on Stanzi and straight plagiarize it, but the the mouse fell off the table and I just don't have energy to stretch to pick it up. I could hyperlink back up to his section, but I couldn't tell you what is a hyperlink? [EDITOR'S NOTE: INSERT NOTE HERE]

Song, Song

I recorded a song.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR

BY ADAM STITES

TEMPLE DOMINATION

The Temple Owls are off to an 0-4 start to their 2013 season, including bad losses to Fordham and Idaho. Going against Temple defense that has allowed the 71st most points in the nation, he really shouldn't have much problem continuing his impressive season. Sure, he hasn't played an Alabama-level defense yet, or even a halfway decent one, but it's hard to argue that he hasn't played about well as possible against the defenses he's faced so far.

Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about.

GO GIANTS

I'm not going to root against the Jaguars. I can't do it. I didn't do it when the Jaguars were a loss away from dropping the Indianapolis Colts out of the "Suck For Luck" sweepstakes and I'm not going to root for them to lose in the "Tank For Teddy" equivalent in 2013. [EDITOR'S NOTE: "COWER FOR CLOWNEY" "HUNT FOR HUNDLEY" "MANDAMUS MANZIEL" etc...]

That said, I'm absolutely going to root for every other winless team to go ahead and get out of the Jaguars way. Go Giants, Buccaneers and Steelers.

The Steelers and Buccaneers are off in Week 5, but the Giants host the Eagles. Earn a win Giants and go away.

go jgwrs

What to watch with the Jaguars? Uh.....The Rams kinda suck too so.../shrugs.

BESTEST CASES / WORSTER CASES

BY BURRITOBROSSHITS

BESTEST CASES

1. What sound does one hand clapping make? It probably sounds like a Marcedes Lewis touchdown start.

b. I hope Marcedes can one day get the medical care that he so desperately needs. The last time a calf was that tender, I breaded it and fried it and then smothered it with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. Sold that recipe to Chef Sbarro and now I own all the Sbarro's in Jacksonville.

™. Some people say that good things come to those that wait. Some people should learn to shut their mouths.

£. Sandra Bullock doesn't make it back to Earth in Gravity, but she does become the head of the NCAA's Compliance Division, so that's as good a death as any.


∞. That AJ McCarron is one heck of a QB, by golly. [EDITOR'S NOTE: THAT AARON MURRAY/ZACH METTENBERGER SURE IS DREAMY ALSO.]

WORSTER CASES

!. I typed this by shooting my laptop with a handgun. I'm taking donations for a new laptop.

G. I want to feel what love is.

Ω. Ever step into a wet leather flip flop? What if you had to wear wet leather flip flops for the rest of your life? You'd probably wear crocs.

?. Due to the shutdown of the Federal government, FEMA cannot render aid to the fans of the Jaguars. Everyone fight for your own lives. The only law is the law of survival.

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