When you look at the new logo created by the Jacksonville Jaguars, I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say that there is obviously a serious problem. A very cartoony-looking animal can't be the trademark of a franchise that used to exude masculinity in a town with such an entrenched military background. What the Jaguars obviously need is something that is masculine, aggressive, realistic and manly.
Look at the hometown Florida Gators, a symbol for what sports should be in America:
The life-like representation of an alligator takes on an even more masculine form than the usual gator. Standing on two legs with balled up fists, the strong animal exudes manliness as he wears a sweater with the large blocked 'F' that, as we all know, stands for 'Frat.'
But all of this brings us back to this new logo. One that clearly displays femininity, or at the very least, gender ambiguity, an obviously destructive trait that I need not explain. So what's the solution? What can save the franchise and return it to it's once proud and male heritage? A name change.
There are several possibilities for the Jaguars to reclaim their pride and dignity, and I've thought of a few:
- The Jacksonville Assault Rifles: You really want to pay tribute to the Jacksonville military tradition? You really want something that drips of manliness? Well how about an AK-47 on the side of a helmet?
- The Jacksonville Na'vi: Enough with the Saturday morning cartoon of a logo. This is the 21st century and James Cameron showed us what a graphic department is really capable of with his 2009 movie Avatar. The logo would be very realistic and the male head could not possibly be construed as female.
- The Jacksonville Heterosexuals: The absolute last thing that could possibly be good for a football team is anything that could possibly be construed as gay. It's pretty clear when you look at the new Jaguars logo, that possibility exists. It's so obvious that I don't even need to explain.
The Jacksonville Male Jaguars:
The simple reality that everyone needs to grasp is this: The name 'Jaguars' is only salvageable in this scenario. While the other scenarios I presented are solid, the history of the name Jaguars is one that would be nice to keep, but the original logo is now tarnished by the one released on Tuesday.
By adding 'Male' to the official team name, the Jaguars will make it clear to everyone: "This is not a female jaguar."