Today marks the nine-day anniversary of when the New York Jets released Tim "The Toolman" Tebow. With men in nearly every profession banging Tebow's gong -- ranging from ESPN's Skip Bayless to very, very, very local beat writer Mike Bianchi out of Orange County, Florida -- unemployed men and women everywhere are growing more confident that jobs are "overrated" and that laziness isn't a serious character flaw.
"People are quitting their jobs in droves," said Michael J. Ward, President and CEO of Jacksonville-based CSX Corp. "They just keep yelling 'If Tebow don't need no jorb, then I don't need no jorb'. Do these people even know it's pronounced 'job'?"
A recent survey found that Duval County's unemployment has nearly tripled since Tebow's release on April 29th and that a quick drop like that could cause irreparable harm to a local economy like Jacksonville's, but that doesn't seem to dissuade many area residents from following the path of the former Florida Gators quarterback.
"Job free is the way to be," exclaimed Jason McFadden. "Tebow's got millions in the bank, he's the most talked about guy in the country and he ain't got no career. Look! I can turn it on ESPN right now and I bet they'll start talkin' about Tebow. Let me just find the channel over he-TOLD YA! HA HA! YOU HEAR THAT? TEEEE-BOW!"
"I STAND WITH TIMMY," yelled one anonymous woman as I was eating breakfast after the previous interview.
"For some reason or another, the national news media is -- as the kids say -- 'thirsty' for any mention of Tebow," explained Dr. Carl Stiman, professor of sociology at the University of Central Florida. "It doesn't matter that Tebow is currently unemployed, that no club -- professional, semi-professional or collegiate intramural -- has shown even the slightest interest whatsoever... He's always in the news. I don't blame people for quitting their jobs on the hopes that they'll be the next unemployed superstar. If I didn't live with a crippling fear of not having enough money in my savings account, I'd probably do it too.
Some residents expressed worry about what kind of message this could send to the youth of Northeast Florida.
"Will my kids grow up thinking they can be more famous if they're fired from two jobs in less than two years and sit unemployed for a while," asked Kristen Hanner, mom of three. "If it was anyone other than Tebow, I wouldn't be worried… But it's Tebow. Tim Tebow, y'all."
If only for the children, here's hoping Tim Tebow gets picked up by at least an NFL Europe team… Those still exist, right?