So here's my Jaguars version of Kafka's The Metamorphosis, part 1...
The Metamorphosis (Part I)
One morning upon wakening from agitated dreams, Greg found himself, in his bed, transformed into a monstrous vermin.
His hair was business-like in the front, yet like a party in the back. At the same time, a clear part divided his hair in two equal halves. The collection of teeth he held in his mouth seemed decidedly smaller than what he had taken to bed the previous night. Although he was aware that he was the same person as before, he made the realization that his intelligence was slightly diminished from the day before.
Without a doubt, he had become a Titans fan.
Looking at the clock, Greg realizes that he has overslept. He had agreed to be the designated driver to the Jaguars game. He knows Clark will be very cross with him for being late. Sure to have already started drinking, Clark will not want anything to stop him from circling up with the others at the tailgate.
Greg's mother concerned for him begins to knock on the door.
"Greg!" said his mother, "aren't you going to be late for the game?"
As he tried to answer, a strange sound, like a twittering squeak came from his mouth, "Titans!"
He recoiled at the sound.
Next a sweet whisper at the door, "Greg?"
Ah that soft, lovely voice. It sent a strange tremble of attraction through his transformed body. Wait! Attraction? This was the voice of his own sister!
"What's the hold up in there?" came the shout from the other room. It was Clark. he had come over in high agitation as Greg had failed to arrive at the appointed time.
The door was forced open. Clark and the family rested their eyes on Greg's hideous form.
Greg tries to explain what has happened to him but nobody else in the room can understand his ridiculous Tennessee accent. Greg finds himself being beaten back into his room. Kicked backward in a heap, Greg's father punctuated the repulsion by throwing his Jaguars autographed football at his own son...
(End of Part I)