For reference: http://jags4tebow.wordpress.com/
Dear Person Who Writes Open Letters,
Recently, I read your open letter regarding (insert subject of open letter here), and I had some concerns. Obviously, at some point in your life, someone (it was probably a woman) convinced you that you were special and that your opinion mattered. Well, I have good news: You are special! Just not in the same way that your mom told you.
Everyone knows that opinions are like assholes, because it isn't cool to go around showing them to people who didn't ask to see them (or something like that). What everyone doesn't know is that they are also like faces in that some people's look stupider than other's.
Look, I know you really want (insert object of open letter here). That's cool. It's good to want things. It's good to think that what you want is important. I used to think dinosaurs were the most important thing on earth, but then I turned 6 and I let that shit go.
I'm going to cut to the chase because I feel like I'm rambling. I know you like writing open letters because it affords you a forum in which you can present your flawed opinions without having to worry about those pesky things that the rest of us call logic, reason and facts. But, the fact is that writing an open letter kinda makes you seem like a crazy person. Can I make a suggestion? You should gather the 3-4 other weirdos who share your opinion and start a support group. Then you can sit around and show each other your assholes ... er, I mean opinions... without the rest of us having to hear about it. And the next time you feel like sharing you opinion with someone new,well... that's what they make dogs for (they're man's best friend!) or, if you don't have a dog, find the nearest wall. In the meantime, leave the rest of us alone.