At Least We're Not The Browns

"The Lame Years" is how I think we’ll all remember the last 5 or 6 seasons. It was a time when we as fans put up with a lot of crap. From national pundits telling us our team was leaving, to half hearted efforts from a mostly talentless squads, the Jaguars became a joke to a lot of people. We Stood Strong as fans.

What’s worse is the Jaguars had success for a good portion time, before bad management and ownership decisions force fed us garbage.

But every time someone makes a joke or a comment about two-tone helmets, I just smile because at least we’re not The Browns.

You see, there are two teams in the National Football League that are always going to make stupid decisions, it’s just in their nature. They’re always going to have scandal, horrific turnover and plain bad luck.

The Raiders and the Browns.

The difference between the two is the Raiders are still a some-what cool team. The whole Black Hole thing seems to be working out in Oakland, at least for Raider-Nation, even if they suck. You can still get stabbed in Oakland and no one thinks it’s a big deal. At least when you think of the Raiders, bad ass, mean SOB’s from the 1970′s and 80′s come to mind.

The Browns on the other hand are not, have never been and will never be cool. They’re old school logo is a creepy elf.


Don’t get me wrong, they’re a storied franchise, kind of, but for real. What I mean is Clevelandis a good sports town, no matter how many disappointing seasons all of their franchises have each year. The fans are still going to wear indians on their heads and dog-masks. They’ll still tell you how much they want to cut Lebron, but still secretly wish he was a Cavalier. I have friends who are from that god-awful state and they’re always pumped about Cleveland Sports. I will say this, The Browns-Backers are one the largest group of organized fans living away from a team. They really are loyal. Rain or shine, ice or snow, bad season or somewhat bad season, the Dog Pound is always making noise.

While the Jaguars may have some issues, at least our brand is fresh. The owner is progressive and full of swagger. We have two colors on our helmets. We even have the largest screens in the world being installed as we speak. We play in FLORIDA, and not touristy or Miami -Florida. Our Mascot Jumps off of tall shit just to do it. We are getting pools.

What do The Browns have? They’re even confused about their image. They’re The Browns but have orange helmets. Because you know, brown and orange are a combo I want to rock. They’re in the north, with pain in the ass weather, and a lack of beaches. They’re mascot is a dog. They’re fans bark for no apparent reason. They’re the Browns, probably the least coolest of colors in the entire box of crayons. Nuff said.


I understand, they’ve had their great’s and hall of famed players, but let’s not confuse The Browns of the 1960′s or late 1980′s to The Browns since they came back to the NFL from their "break". Since football returned to Cleveland, the dog pound has had two winning seasons. They averaged about 5 wins a season in that period. We may have picked a punter in the 3rd round, but at least it wasn’t 45-year old Brandon Weeden .

Their coolest QB of all time was a dude named Bernie, BERNIE.

Now, you’re probably asking why I’m going on such an anti-Browns rant. Well it’s because there’s a new movie, featuring the team.

Draft Day, is about Kevin Cosner trying to make The Browns relevant again. There’s a bunch of cameos and it’s actually not a bad film in terms of movies that try too hard to make the nasty nature of NFL business palatable. Needless to say it wouldn’t be a football movie if the Jaguars didn’t get a bit of a Jab.

SPOILER ALERT. Not really, but other sites do that.

In the movie, Costner has a draft-day dealing opportunity with the brass over at Everbank field and quite frankly the Jaguars brass are portrayed as dull. I don’t appreciate that.

In fact, maybe I could have let it slide just a bit, but since it was The Browns, it bothers me even more. Costner should stick to protecting water worlds.

Then there ‘s a report that the Browns Center, Alex Mack has made an appearance down at the Vault. The Jaguars have offered him a contract and I'm glad. I believe the Jaguars have a golden opportunity to give Jimmy Haslam and his fraudulent gas-station empire having ass a big middle finger by signing their best offensive lineman. Not because he’s a legit player, but because of the movie, because orange helmets make no sense, because you traded Trent Richardson in hopes of getting better. The Browns, being the Debby-Downer of the NFL will probably match the offer. If that's the case, I feel sorry for Alex Mack.


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