With a h/t to Adam, here is your 2014 NFL Mock Mock Draft:
1. Houston - Derek Carr, QB
The last time two brothers were selected #1 overall, the second one won more Super Bowls. Ammirite Peyton?
2. St. Louis - Jared Abbrederis, WR
The Rams add a much needed gym rat. Abbrederis is an effort player who is sneaky quick and has a great understanding of the game. I think he's also a son of a coach.
3. Jacksonville - Jake Matthews, OT
How do the Jaguars improve on last year's draft? Select their second straight left tackle from the same school. Competition at LT is key.
4. Cleveland - Eric Ebron, TE
Closest they'll get to having Lebron again imo.
5. Oakland - Tom Savage, QB
Can you imagine the Black Hole when a guy named Savage leads the mighty Raidahs around the turn at third and powers through to home plate for the win? Bye, tarps.
6. Atlanta - Sammy Watkins, WR
Falcons take Wide Receiver U to the next level. Roddy/Julio injury histories force their hand. Can't reach on pass rush here.
7. Tampa Bay - Dakota Dozier, OG
They lost Dakota Watson, so easy choice to replace their light truck position. The new Dakota is fully loaded, low miles with good trade-in value.
8. Minnesota - James White, RB
After losing Toby Gerhart in FA, they have a clear need at the white RB position. While it's true that James is not Caucasian, his last name is White and he did go to Wisconsin.
9. Buffalo - Khalil Mack, LB
It's no secret the Bills are struggling to sell tickets. More like Buffallackout. Whispers of Canada have them thrilled to land a local kid to fill the stands. BRING KHALIL HOME!
10. Detroit - Dee Ford, DE
Missed out on the Mack truck by one pick. But, lo & behold! Ford! In Detroit! Built Ford Tough or Fix Or Repair Daily? We shall see here imho.
11. Tennessee - AJ McCarron, QB
AJ stays in SEC country (God's country). Can't you just picture his momma tearin' up Broadway in Nashville? Flashes for anyone in cowboy boots for sure. I bet he loves Wagon Wheel.
12. NY Giants - Odell Beckham, WR
ODB is back in Stat-land! Giants fans, nay hip hop fans everywhere will Pop Shots when they hear Dirt McGirt has shimmied back to life. Peace to da Gawd.
13. St. Louis - Vinnie Sunseri, S
The Rams haven't been able to cover anybody since the days of Adam Archuleta, na'mean?
14. Chicago - Kelvin Benjamin, WR
Can you have enough size at the WR position? The Bears will put it to the test with a 228 inch trips formation.
15. Pittsburgh - Brandin Cooks, WR
/search WR prospects /sort by height /pick shortest
16. Dallas - Weston Richburg, C
Taking note from the most successful TX franchise, Jerral Jones decides to emulate the "twin towers" approach of the San Antonio Spurs with back to back years of 1st rd centers.
17. Baltimore - Dri Archer, RB
With Ray Rice in legal trouble, RB is a judicious choice here. And embracing their history, they pick a guy who can straight MOVE with the best of em. Yanno? Geddit?
18. NY Jets - Marqise Lee, WR
Geno Smith Michael Vick needs weapons to succeed. But more importantly, I heard a rumor Rex Ryan likes getting his wife (including feet) wearing former-Trojan Jets jerseys tatted onto himself. Sources say the Keyshawn tat is somewhere the sun don't shine.
19. Miami - Jimmy Garropolo, QB
I mean just look at him. This guy belongs on South Beach. Even Lauren Tannehill agrees. Fiyaaaaaa!
20. Arizona - Louis Nix, DT
The pure twitter force up the middle of their D with Darnell Dockett and the addition of Nix would be too much for any QB to handle. RIP their time in the pocket AND their mentions. Wait till they play the Titans.
21. Green Bay - Teddy Bridgewater, QB
The Aaron Rodgers era is over. He's probably texting his junk to a reporter this time next year. The Pack are no strangers to drafting stud QBs after everyone else wusses out.
22. Philadelphia - Colt Lyerla, TE
Chip Kelly connection plus, let's be honest, Desean Jackson's departure has left a massive hole at the Attitude position. Am I rite. #thug
23. Kansas City - Mike Evans, WR
Perfect deep ball threat for franchise Winner Alex Smith. With elite weapons all around him and a great defense, he should once again reach his full potential of winning a playoff game.
24. Cincinnati - Bryan Stork, C
Has there ever been a QB-Center exchange with more gorgeous flowing flaming red hair? I mean, if you put Stork's beard on Andy's head, you've got Uncle Chaps. Sex.
25. San Diego - Zach Maynard, QB
HAHAHAHAHAHA KEENAN ALLEN!
26. Cleveland - Zach Mettenberger, QB
Somewhat familiar with the Dawg Pound. It'll be pretty funny if Browns fans ever throw "batteries" on the field when he's playing AMIRITE?!
27. New Orleans - Logan Thomas, QB
Short QBs don't work. Period.
28. Carolina - Andre Williams, RB
The Panthers Continue to revolutionize offense in the NFL by investing yet more resources into the running game. Will Cam Newton even throw a pass this year? No need really.
29. New England - Jace Amaro, TE
Credit card abuse isn't quite living up to the team's previous Joker in terms of rap sheet, but it's a solid felony. Not too shabby.
30. San Francisco - Michael Sam, DE
31. Denver - Johnny Manziel, QB
Most scouts agree that Johnny Football (OVO) would be best served sitting behind a veteran QB who can mentor him in a place where he can legally obtain topszn.
32. Seattle - Jadeveon Clowney, DE
Pete Carroll is not fair, plain and simple. He may also be both a wizard and a Jedi. Can anyone stop a guy equipped with both a wand and a lightsaber?
So yeah, srs comments only pls.