With all the talk of quarterbacks being drafted or traded, I thought we could take a moment and honestly evaluate David Garrard. In my mind, the easiest was to do this is to pretend every general manager from every AFC team calls us and asks if we want to trade even up our quarterback for theirs. In the end we will discover how many teams we would trade places with. I hear the phone ringing now.
"Russ Brandon, GM from the Buffalo Bills on line one, sir" Stacy calls out. I love when my imaginary assistant calls me sir. "Russ, big guy, what's up?" I answer. "Terry, would the guys at BCC agree to a Trent Edwards for David Garrard trade?" he asks. "Russ, we passed on Trent in 2007, selected Mike Walker instead. I don't think the guys would go for that, thanks for calling". I hang up. No deal. I do wonder if we should have drafted Trent back in 2007. As a third round selection, he was a steal.
"Bill Parcells on line two, sir" Stacy says. I don't trust this guy, I think before I pick up. "Tuna, you big tub of lard, what can I do for you" I ask bitingly. "I'll be quick", he says, "Chad Pennington and Ernest Wilford for David Garrard, you got ten seconds to respond". I hang up, no deal.
"Belichick on line one, sir", Stacy calls out. I pick up. "Brady for Garrard" is all the voice says. "Yes" I answer. The line goes dead. Bill is not one for words. That trade I would make. I think how Tom Brady would be behind our line and with our receivers. Better draft a receiver now I think, better get on the phone and find some players. You don't waste a Tom Brady.
"Rex Ryan on the phone, sir" Stacy says. "Tell him I'm not in" I answer. The Jets don't have anyone I would even consider.
"Ozzie Newsome on line two, sir" Stacy says. "Oz, you did great last year in the draft, congratulations", I say admiringly. "Thanks for making the trade, hope Derrick and Quentin develop for you" Oz says, he goes on, "We like David around here and think a Joe Flacco for David trade might interest you". I confess it does interest me. Joe represents a young gun with a lot of career ahead of him. I pull the trigger. "Done" I say. I hope Ozzie didn't get the better of me again.
"Pete Brown line one, sir" Stacy calls out. I don't even have to ask which team, the Brown's are icons in football; it is always a pleasure to talk to them. "Hello Pete, still running the probation center for the city?" I ask. "You're one to talk", he answers, "Carson Palmer for David Garrard, what do you think?" "Pete, I'll be honest with you, Carson is too beat up. The lack of a line there has destroyed his future, no deal" I say. I can't believe I turned down Carson Palmer, but I really think David is better suited for our offense,
Stacy pokes her head in, "George Kokinis line two, sir". "George, getting settled in Cleveland yet?" I joke. "Man, is it a mess over here", he answers, "We have two quarterbacks and a pile of head cases". "I need a calm steady force running this team and I thought you guys liked Brady Quinn, so how about an even swap" he asks hopefully. Wow, this is one I have to think about. Somehow it doesn't add up in my mind. I just can't see Brady getting it done here. "Sorry, George, can't do it" I answer. "Wait, how about..." he pleads. "Gotta run, George", I say hanging up. Cleveland is a mess; Romeo had let the inmates run the asylum.
"Kevin Colbert from the Steelers on line one" Stacy says. "Kevin, are you offering Ben Roethlisberger for David Garrard?" I ask. "Don't know why, but yes I am" he answers. I think Big Ben could run this offense better than any other quarterback. "Yes, we will trade" I answer.
"Rick Smith from Houston on line one, sir" Stacy says. I wonder how many phone lines we have. "Hello Rick, what's up". I ask. "How about your quarterback for ours?" he asks. I don't know why I took this call. "You mean Matt Schwab for David; you are joking right?" I turn him down.
"Bill Polian, line one" she shouts. "Listen boy", the voice says smugly, "we feel sorry for you guys, thought we would send Peyton down for a few years, have David report up here on Monday". Peyton for David, what do I think about that? Seriously, we should jump on it but I think David has better years left in him than Peyton has. I seriously do. If both were rookies, I'd take Peyton, but now? I wouldn't do it. "Bill, I'll send Jaxon Deville instead" and hang up.
"While you were on the phone Mike Reinfeldt and Al Davis left messages" Stacy says. I read through messages. Vince Young for David and JaMarcus Russell for David, they say. I throw the notes away.
"Brian Xanders from Denver on line three" Stacy says. I only have one phone; I think she is kidding me about having different lines. "Tell him no deal" I shout. Kyle Orton for David Garrard I chuckle, but wait maybe the draft choices are included? Would I trade David Garrard for Kyle Orton and two number one draft choices? I don't know but then Stacy interrupts.
"AJ Smith on the phone, sir" Stacy says. "AJ, what's up" I ask. "Phillip Rivers for David Garrard are you sure?" I ask. What do I think about this trade? Phillip is a head case but he does have his moments. The long ball is there, the reads, everything. I don't know. I think I would do it. I would trade David Garrard for Phillip Rivers, but it is kind of an even trade.
So, there you have it. I would trade David Garrard for Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Joe Flacco, and Phillip Rivers. I passed on Carson Palmer, Peyton Manning, JaMarcus Russell and Vince Young. It's interesting that the guys I would trade for, most of them I could have had in the draft.
What I discovered was that I really do think David is a top quality quarterback. The Joe Flacco trade and the Phillip Rivers trade is more about youth than ability. We need a younger quarterback this year or next, but for now, David is more than fine.
Suddenly two guys in sunglasses come in my office. "Stacy" I yell. "Stacy had to powder her nose" one of them says. "Yeah, we got a message for you" the other one says. "Big Tuna don't like to be hung up on; he requests you call him back". Looks like Chad Pennington will be our new starting quarterback. Yikes, being a GM is harder than it looks.
So what about you? What trades would you have made? Did I call it as you would?