Intervention: Blaine Gabbert

NARRATOR: Blaine Gabbert was the starting QB for the Jacksonville Jaguars. In three years he has managed to win five games. But Blaine Gabbert has a problem. Recently benched in favor of Chad Henne, Gabbert believes he still has a chance at the starting job.

Gabbert said he understands Gus sticking with Henne "because I haven't practiced." #Jaguars

— Ryan O'Halloran (@ryanohalloran) October 24, 2013

On the outskirts of London, England. The Jaguars Compound

: OK JAGWYERS, IT'S TIME TO PREPARE FOR THE 49ers! CHAD, YOU'RE STARTING. BLAINE... YOU'RE BACKUP.

: But Coach, I'm health-

: YOU'RE BACK-UP.

: I understand. You're starting Chad because I haven't practiced in a while. That's understandable. There's always next week!

UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE

: ....sure Blaine, whatever... I'M GOING TO GO SEE THE EIFFEL TOWER! IT'S ONE OF LONDON'S GREAT DESTINATIONS. BYE!

Blaine sits alone in the temporary locker room. He seethes with frustration and anger. He was the starting quarterback of the Missouri Tigers! He was the tenth overall pick of the draft, by golly! He sits. Seething. Pouting like a fashion model making duckface.

: Uh... I think Blaine needs an Intervention.

: We are gathered here today to bring Blaine back to reality. He's delusional. He's skittish. He's delusional. He's skittish. Thank you all for being here.

: NO PROBLEM, DR. PHIL.

: Thanks, Jeff.

: Tissues for your issues.

Blaine enters a room in which Jeff, the Interventionist, Coach Bradley, Cecil Shorts III, and Marcedes Lewis are seated. He takes a seat.

: Hi, I'm Jeff. Sit down, Blaine. We're here to talk about you. Now, will the rest of you please share how Blaine's performance has effected you negatively.

: You can't be paralyzed to feel failure. Its ok to experience what it feels like to push yourself. Make it hard to spot the general by working like a soldier. You only lose if you don't swing back.

: What the hell is that?

: I dunno. I got it off Instagram. It sounded cool.

: Cecil, you're next.

: Blaine, words can't express how I feel about you and they say a picture is worth 1000 words, so here are several pictures:

: Coach?

: BLAINE, THE JAGWYERS NEED TO COMPETE. YOU NEED TO DO YOUR JOB. YOU DO NEITHER. PRACTICE AND HEALTH ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE THAT. YOU'RE BENCHED. GET OVER IT.

: Blaine, you've listened to your peers. Your performance and attitude are affecting them negatively. Will you stop being delusional and accept your role as back up?

Blaine sits on the couch contemplating what he has done. He is overcome with emotion.

: I accept my place on the bench. Hey, at least I'm not behind Stanzi, huh?

: ....