'Twas the night before Christmas and all through Bank
Not a Jaguar was stirring, and we have Shad to thank
The shoulder pads were hanging in the lockers with care
In hopes that a Super Bowl would soon be there.
The players were nestled all snug in their huddle
With visions of the Colts as Gus gave a rebuttal
And Shad in his ‘tache, and Gus in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter's nap.
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
Gabbert sprang from the pocket to see what was the matter.
Away to the sideline he flew like a flash,
Turned on Twitter and saw them all bash.
The accounts were blocked, now we all know
Henne came in however and it was a different show.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a new Teddy Bridgewater, let's crack a beer!
With a little pocket presence, so lively and fun,
I knew in a moment what would be done.
More rapid than pass rushers his touchdowns they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and we chanted him by name!
"Now Cecil! now, Ace! now, Marcedes and Jones-Drew!
On, Mike Brown! On, Rackley! on, on Todman and maybe Lonnie too!
To the top of the AFC South! to the top of the division!
Now pass away! Pass away! Pass away with decision!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the field
The prancing and pawing as we were all healed
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the field Teddy came with a bound.
He was dressed all in teal, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of winning drives he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a winner, just opening his passing attack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His drives were like roses, his accuracy scary
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the win total of the Jaguars began to grow
The stump of a mouthpiece he held tight in his teeth,
And the touchdown smoke encircled EverBank like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little bit scrawny
That didn't matter when he scored, even more than Johnny
And I laughed when I saw him, because the haters were mad
He soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the seats, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the rankings he rose!
Khan sprang to his pools, to his team gave a whistle,
And away it all went, judgement of dismissal
But we heard Shad exclaim, as he gave the sales pitch
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all SCOREBOARDS, YA BISH"