The Jacksonville Jaguars have done what was considered inevitable and have fired Jaguars head coach Gus Bradley.
After a lengthy discussion aboard Kismet, owner Shad Khan's yacht, general manager David Caldwell and Khan came to the agreement that Gus Bradley's tenure as head coach was over. This comes as no great surprise to anyone here at Big Cat Country.
After a 1-5 start to the season that was plagued by mediocre play that was compounded by injuries across the roster, Caldwell decided that a coaching change was necessary.
During an impromptu press conference, he stated that while the roster was beset by injuries, the lackadaisical play on the field by rookies and veterans alike proved that the on the field results were not a product of talent so much as coaching. Citing a culture in which players were coddled and treated without stern criticism, Caldwell appointed a relative newcomer to the NFL Yosemite Sam as Interim Head Coach.
No stranger to hard criticism and consternation, Yosemite Sam wasted no time addressing concerns about his coaching style.
"OOOOOOOOH WHAT IN TARNATION IZ HAPPENIN HERE IN DUUUUUUUVALLLLLLLL?" Sam said as he fired two pistols into the air. "WE GOTS A PLAYER ON THE DADGUM TEAM BLOCKING WHILE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE TACKLIN AND A QUARTERBACK THAT THROWS LIKE I SHOOT. DANGNABIT THESE JAGWHYERS CAN'T DO NOTHIN RIGHT AND I KNOW WHAT MEDIOCRITY IS!"
Sam went on to say that he was going to hold players accountable in his own special way, brandishing a large assortment of knives, barrels of gunpowder, and sticks of TNT. Sam went on to verbally harangue reporters and staffers for several minutes unintelligibly with smoke pouring out of his ears until Jaguars Public Relations Manager Tad Dickman was forced to douse Sam with a glass of water.
Flanked by his defensive coordinator Wile E. Coyote and offensive coordinator Sylvester the Cat, Sam ended his press conference saying, "WELL SHOOT AH CAN'T DO WORSE THAN 8-30, CAN I?!?!?!"