The Jacksonville Jaguars took on the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday, in a game that they ALMOST won, if only they hadn't been totally screwed over by the idiotic referees. The Jaguars gave a full and complete effort, one that was deserving of a win, but sometimes there are just times in life when you don’t get a W on the scoreboard. The Jaguars took home the moral victory though, as their running game completely exploded, providing the offense with a heart-pounding pulse that couldn’t be stopped.
Grit. Juice. Determination. Heart. Soul. These are just a few of the myriad of words that could be used to describe the Jaguars running game yesterday. The Jaguars used the ground game with such effectiveness that they ended up tallying over 200 rushing yards on the day. Man, they just couldn’t be stopped! T.J. Yeldon would slice and dice through the Chiefs defense, and then they would follow that up with a healthy serving of smash mouth Chris Ivory. The Chiefs are probably considering changing their team colors to black and blue after that beating.
In all honesty, if Gus Bradley wasn’t such an important role model and all-around amazing guy, I would be arguing for the Jaguars to promote Nathaniel Hackett to head coach right now. Maybe they could tag-team it? That would be awesome, because then everyone would win. It would also allow them to bring back Greg Olson as co-offensive coordinator, so then nobody would be without work. But anyways, I digress. Nathaniel Hackett might be the second coming of Vince Lombardi. His offensive gameplan was so effective that I wasn’t sure if I was watching the 2016 Jaguars, or the 2007 team with Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. This was probably the second-most impressive outing the Jaguars have had running the ball in the franchise’s existence, only a smidgeon behind the 375 yards they put up against the Colts.
I’m sure Mike Mularkey is losing sleep right now in Tennessee. He tried to call dibs on exotic smash mouth football this year, but just like Danny Ocean, Gus Bradley came along and stole it on Sunday. Let me put it this way: the Titans are damn lucky that the Jaguars were blinded by those awesome gold uniforms they had to wear on Thursday Night Football, otherwise we would’ve put them in the camel clutch right then and there. They’re probably quivering with fear thinking about having to face this Jacksonville team again later this year, as it will expose them as frauds, and show the world that nobody runs the football like the boys from DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVAL!
This is just a rumor that I am working to confirm, but I heard that the Jaguars running game tore up the field so much that the Chiefs couldn’t even bring out their horse to celebrate after the game. I guess they had fear that it would step in a Chris Ivory foot-sized hole and injure its leg. Yeah, I guess the refs TECHNICALLY handed the Chiefs the win on the scoreboard, but they couldn’t even properly celebrate. How demoralizing! Don’t feel too bad for the horse, though. Gus Bradley went up to it after the game, and after a thorough brush down and pep talk, he fed it some sugar cubes to make it feel better.
Here’s the best part about what the Jaguars were able to do with the running game yesterday: did you see the Jaguars players on the sidelines? There were smiles, laughs, and high-fives. And I’m pretty sure I even saw Doug Marrone shotgun a Bud Light in one of those awesome Jaguars themed cans (Khans?) and then do a cartwheel in exuberance, due to his offensive line blocking the daylights out of the Chiefs defense. This is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered when it came to Jacksonville turning their season around, which is totally going to happen.
Yeah, they may be 2-6 right now, but with eight games left to play, is there really anyone other than that hater Jason La Canfora who doesn’t think they will win out? Hello, playoffs!