Half a world away, most Jaguars fans will be stuck watching a "home game" at 9:30am. Thanks a lot, Sir Sandford Fleming.
To celebrate the early Sunday kickoff, I've listed a few of my favorite morning cocktails -- Jaguars style. Because let's be real -- no matter how early the game is, you're still going to have to drink your way through it.
WARNING: I'm going to drink and rate each of these concoctions as I write this article. Oh boy, this could get messy. Let's get started.
Description: Mimosas are probably the most appropriate cocktails to consume at breakfast time. But let's face it -- they're just a fancy excuse to get drunk off of your morning OJ. So go ahead and ditch the orange juice. I made a Jaguars-themed mimosa by combining the cheapest champagne I could find with some blue Gatorade.
Analysis: It doesn't taste great. It's not even necessarily pretty. Shit, it's not even that teal.
...but isn't that a perfect portrayal of the Jaguars as a team? Hmm.
The Bloody Bortles
Description: A Bloody Mary seems like another appropriate choice for a 9:30am kickoff. I threw some bacon in there to make it even more breakfast-y, and I named it after Blake since he probably drinks seven of these before each game.
Analysis: It's vegetables so it's good for you.
The Myles Jack and Coke
Description: Okay okay, this one is a stretch. All I did was pour a happy-hour drink and shove bacon in it. I know it's not a breakfast cocktail. Whatever. It has a Jaguars reference in the name. Leave me alone.
Analysis: My bacon is soggy
UPDATE: oops I had three
The Gus Sadley
Description: I ran out of bacon
Analysis: the Jags can still go 9-7 if they win 9 more games
Rating: I'll tell YOU when I've had enough
Glass of Bourbon
FIRE GUs IMO
dEscripsion: leabe me alone
Anal sis: fire gus BADley, just leave his ass in London because hes bloody awful his win loss percentage is lower than my current BAC
Rating: njkhgokjnhb vvvj