There are a lot of measureables that can help you project how a rookie player will transition to the NFL — height, weight, 3-cone drill, 40-yard dash, vertical jump — but none are more important than cereal choice.
Tad Dickman, the team’s Senior Manager of Public Relations, tweeted out a picture of several Jacksonville Jaguars rookies and their preferred cereal choices on Wednesday morning and there’s a lot going on here.
Who will struggle in training camp? Who will have a breakout year? Who’s going to stay out of trouble? Look to the cereal.
1. Justin Horton will have a Hall of Fame career
The man is double-fisting Cap’n Crunch cereal. I can’t believe he went undrafted. If Horton can cause the kind of havoc in the backfield that this cereal plays on the roof of your mouth, we’re in for a special treat, folks.
2. Blair Brown will play all three linebacker positions by himself
If this photo of Brown choosing Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch were available before the draft, I’m literally incapacitating Tom Coughlin, force-feeding Dave Caldwell the draft card that says “Leonard Fournette”, and announcing Blair Brown as the No. 4 overall pick myself.
3. Cam Robinson will win the left tackle job
The strongest cereal in this photo is the Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cam went for the family size BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS. Sure, Fruity Pebbles is a weak secondary choice, but it looks to me like he was about to throw it away and the photographer took the picture one second too early. Big Cereal strikes again.
4. Jalen Myrick will struggle, but ultimately make the roster
Not only did Myrick go for the Lucky Charms — definitively the second-worst cereal in this photo — but he went for the family size. However, when I think Lucky Charms, I think grit because eating those marshmallows would make you feel like you had sand stuck in your teeth hours after you ate them. That grit is what impresses coaches and keeps Myrick around.
5. Keelan Cole will not make this Jaguars roster
I’m sorry, Keelan, but Wheaties is not a strong move. At least you can take solace in the fact that when Bill Belichick sees this photo of you choosing Wheaties over all the sugary stuff, he’ll sign you to a two-year deal and you’ll get a Super Bowl ring.
6. P.J. Davis will peak in his rookie year
Frosted Flakes a cereal that in its first bowl can stack up with anyone else in the aisle. But subsequent bowls just lack that killer instinct. Davis, like Frosted Flakes, will not get better with age. But that first taste this year will make it worth the entire box.