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From The Front Desk: WEAK 3

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Hello. I just wanted to let you know— in case you didn’t already— that the Jacksonville Jaguars odds to win the Super Bowl are 9-1.

Okay, let’s get started.

Request to the Commish

Mr. Commish,

I am writing to you in regards of the upcoming Week 5 matchup between the Jacksonville Jaguars #DUUVAL (™?) and the Kansas City Chiefs (feat. Patrick “Did you know he was a baseball player?“ Mahomes).

First off, the football gods couldn’t have gifted you a better game. But you wouldn’t know that if it hit you in the face. So what can you do about flexing that matchup to a Sunday night game?

Hell, let this be the official rallying cry of the movement #GENJAG.COMMYLESJACKWASN’TDOWN.

Sincerely,

marhsim

Roast of the week

I cannot wait for Andrew Norwell to pancake him all the way to Hellmann’s headquarters. Congrats to MadeByTim on winning the Roast of the Week!

Murder, She Wrote

Gather round children, and listen to this tale of those pesky ‘ole Jaggywars.

And that’s how you retire a team.

It’s almost as fun trolling Steelers fans as it is hearing Patriots fans whine about the ref.

(Milk) Dud of the week

The most interesting piece of information to come out of this is that Leonard Fournette smells like mayonnaise, according to Blake Bortles. Because of this, I don’t think he’ll have a good game Sunday, The Titans — especially Jurrell Casey — are known for their innate mayo detection senses (M.A.Y.D.A.R.) to seek out mayo-like scents and feast on them.

It’s been shown to sustain them for weeks.

Leonard gets 20 carries for 65 yards. That’s my prediction. We’ll still win though.