clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

THE HORNY INDEX: Which TV broadcaster has been more horny for Gardner Minshew?

New, comments
Baltimore Ravens v Cleveland Browns

With another game under his belt, Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Gardner Minshew was the subject of even more horny commentary from announcers, this time coming from — you guessed it! — James Lofton, who is the most frequent horny commentator so far through Week 5 of the 2019 NFL season.

We’ll be tracking all the suggestive comments made by TV announcers during Jaguars games throughout the year, so bookmark this page and make sure you’ve got Incognito Mode turned on, folks.

Without further ado, I give you THE HORNY INDEX.

James Lofton (Week 5)

4 out of 5 roars

“If I had his quads, I’d wear those jorts too.”

There’s nothing ambiguous about this one. Lofton is a fan of Minshew’s quads — and he’s envious that he, himself, does not have the upper leg strength to pull off a pair of short shorts. That’s envy and lust — two deadly sins with only one stone, folks.

James Lofton (Week 4)

4 out of 5 roars

Andrew Catalon (Week 4)

5 out of 5 roars

Andrew Catalon:

“Since joining Jacksonville in 2017, he is now 46 out of 49 kicking field goals. What an acquisition this guy has been. And if Lambo is getting free meals down in Jacksonville, what is Gardner getting down there?”

James Lofton:

“Here’s a guy that brought in off the street and he’s been a success story down there. Probably gets a lot of free meals around town.”

Andrew Catalon:

“Well if he’s getting free meals, what is Minshew getting down there?”

James Lofton:

“We know what he’s getting, he’s young. We know what he’s getting down there.”

We are in HORNED UP territory, folks. I have to give Catalon the full five roars because he initiated the entendre. Lofton just sort of goes with it. But make no mistake — these guys are talking about some s-e-x.

Shameful.

Troy Aikman (Week 3)

2 out of 5 roars

“Well, Minshew, they got him listed as 6’1” — that’s probably about where he is, 6’ or 6’1”. I tell ya, he’s... he’s packed. I guess he leg presses 500 pounds and if you saw him you would not be surprised. I was shocked how thick he was.”

I’m not going to lie to you, we’re getting into steamed up territory. But Aikman isn’t really horny in this moment, at least not consciously. He stammers a bit and his emphasis on the word “shocked” followed by a thoughtful pause and ending with the thick hammer moves the needle for me.

Acceptable, but noteworthy.

Honorable Mention: The social media coordinator for CBS

5 out of 5 roars