In an unexpected turn of events, Jacksonville Jaguars long snapper Ross Matiscik injured his shoulder while making a fumble-inducing tackle during Saturday’s preseason game against the Dallas Cowboys. With Matiscik down, the Jags turned to backup tight end Josh Pederson to fill the void.
Pederson’s efforts to step up despite not having any known experience at the position were admirable. His first snap was low but serviceable while his second was high and to Cooke’s right. Cooke caught the punt and showed off his athletic prowess in the process.
“That catch Cooke made on Saturday … dude would’ve been a starting wide receiver for us back in 2014,” said Jaguars’ veteran Tyler Shatley.
While Pederson’s snap will no doubt make Cooke’s career sizzle reel, his dad (head coach Doug Pederson) elected to go for two in every instance following. The move proved to be a smart one that allowed offensive backups more opportunity to showcase their talents in a game that was about as low stakes as the crap they call the Pro Bowl.
“Honestly, from here on out, I may go for it on fourth down every time,” said the elder Pederson in the postgame press conference. “We had some good success out there today, and while I know Tony Khan and the analytics guys will tell me the decision to go for it is nuanced, is it really? I want people to know me as the gutsiest coach in the game. People think the Philly Special took bravado. Wait until game one against Indy when I call a flea flicker on fourth-and-eight on our own 20.”
Adding, “Ron Rivera is known as Riverboat Ron. I want a nickname that contains the same level of alliteration and badassery. From now on, refer to me as Don’t-Give-A-Damn Doug.”
Unconfirmed reports circulated on Monday that, if needed, actor and star of the scripted 2022 Jaguars’ season Pug Dederson was next in line for long snapping duties. Dederson, who happened to be in Dallas this past weekend filming a commercial with Flo from Progressive, was not available for comment. However, his representation did release this statement regarding the rumors of another role with the Jaguars:
“Pug left Sunday to vacation for the next three weeks along the Amalfi Coast, as he does. For now, we won’t comment on whether a call was made for him to be the long snapper against the Cowboys, but we will say that Pug has a strong working relationship with Shad Khan, head writer Asher Grodman, and the Jaguars. He loved the plotline of last year’s script and has the range as an actor do it all – for the right price, of course.”
*Author’s note: This article is complete and utter nonsense.